Monday, December 31, 2001 :::
 
Sifl and Olly rock so much. Hey, Molly, I have the DVD! And now for some words from the song " Haunted Spaceship:"

Let's go on a Haunted Spaceship, yeah, yeah, yeah
????... Scare the hell out of you

Do not fear the universe
The ghosts of the alien dead will beckon you into the future
Put on your space suit and dance
Dance into the future,

And beyond....

-Matt, Stay away from my meteorite!!!

::: posted by Comic Tools at 1:53 PM


 
Yeah, I had to endure a whole summer of painful physical therapy to straighten my back out. Are you using a biofeedback machine?

Question for the day: Isn't it weird when you put a shirt in the wash right-side-out ind it comes out inside-out? What are the clothes DOING in there?

::: posted by Comic Tools at 1:36 PM



Saturday, December 29, 2001 :::
 
Well, for starters, our President is in support of it, and these are his words on the subject:

"I want those young people who commit crimes to be held accountable for their actions; most 14-year olds who commit violent crimes can now be tried as adults and sent to adult prison. Each of us is responsible for the decisions we make in life. The old [juvenile justice] code used to say if you commit a crime it is not your fault, it is our fault. The new code recognizes that discipline and love go hand in hand. Our new juvenile justice code says there will be bad consequences for bad behavior in the state of Texas. We want you to understand you are responsible for the decisions you make in life. It’s called tough love."

And this post was actually from a Teen Gov. online debate on the subject:

"Just because you are under 18 does not mean that you should not be subjected to the death penalty if the crime is harsh enough. Come on guys! Just because we are teens certainly does not mean that we do not have the mental capacities for right and wrong, that we don't have a conscience, or that we cannot restrain ourselves!

You do the crime, you do the time. It's as simple as that, irregardless of age. Of course there are extenuating circumstances, such as mental health/stability as well as your family situation/location, etc..., but just because you are under 18 certainly should not give you any amnesty if, for example, you murder someone.

Kudos to states like NY and VA ( where children as young as fifteen can be sentenced to death,) that treat kids who act like bad adults as bad adults. Common freaking sense."

You may also find this essay useful, http://www.salon.com/news/1998/05/27news.html , not so much in what to say, but in what to not say. For instance, you can't use the common " Kids nowdays are more violent than they used to be" argument, because murders by kids under 13 have actually gone down since 1965.

I'm afraid that's about all I could find. Hope it helps.

I'll be at home all sunday waiting for my reward. Bring the baby oil, you burnin' hunk of greatful greasy love you.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:36 PM



Friday, December 28, 2001 :::
 
Right-o, I'll play "Arnold Lane" or "Interstellar Overdrive" while watching the Teletubbies, that should settle it.

What in the bleeding floppy THUD is a L33tx0rs? Some sort of cyborg nerd? And why would people whose own sexuality is so questionable use partially numerical homophobic slurs?

My main peev on the internet is song lyric sites that don't bother to actually research the real lyrics to a song, but rather opt to publish whatever garbled, mangled version of the song they can decipher by ear.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 3:48 PM



Thursday, December 27, 2001 :::
 
Ya know what, Ben, one time I listened to that Jimi Hendrix song " Are You Experienced" while watching the Teletubbies on mute- and for about two minutes they moved EXACTLY IN RHYTHM WITH THE SONG. Then I put on some Janis Joplin, and then this time EVERYTHING they did was in synch with the music. So you may not be too far off on that "acid inspired" theory.

Interesting website. Kinda comments on what we're doing, actually, while at the same time doing the same thing itself. ( Yes, I might have put that better.) I like any site that gives Mystery Science Theatre 3000 a mention.

You know, "Collective loss of chortle" has a nice ring to it...

::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:13 PM


 
"Chortle!" I love that word. It sounds like a turtle-like mythical sea creature, ( Beware ye who cross the wettish deeps, for the CHORTLE is sure to be the gory violent death of yee! I've seen a chortle swallow ten men and use the last man's bones to pick his teeth, because chortles have good hygiene, they do!!) or perhaps some disgusting, unconsumable Scottish soft drink. ( Drink chortle, the lumpy way to quench your thirst! Not for young children, as it causes you to go through puberty in thirty seconds. Really, it's horrible, it's just like the wolfman movie in your underwear. )

Can anyone think of some other things "chortle" could be?

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:53 AM



Monday, December 24, 2001 :::
 
The man he is. Have you read his essay on indian food? He writes very much in the style of Douglas Adams, Godess tickle his soul with an ostrich feather. I enjoy his writing as much as his music. Speaking of which, yes, I have, Molly. I'll get to Guster on another entry, but for now I'll just say that I love " Birdhouse in your soul." Thank you very much.

Nice to hear from you Nick, ya freaky lemur boy.

I'll leave you all with a quote from Weird Al's "Christmass at Ground Zero:"

You might hear reindeer on your rooftop,
Or Jack Frost on your windowsill,
But if something's coming down your chimney,
You better load your gun and shoot to kill!

Merry Christmass all! -Matt



::: posted by Comic Tools at 4:12 PM


 
HOLY FUCKING SHIT! I'm in S.V.A.!! I made it in! Zowie! Mubba sprona flim-flam! JooJoo ribbit egg nog! WAAAAAHH-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! I feel like I'm gonna cry...I am, a little...I'm shaking. I can't believe it. I've been dreaming about this for months. ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FoooEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-One very over-excited Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 12:28 PM


 
Oh yeah, see, I have a later edition that comes with a 34 page introduction by Omar K Ravenhurst,( Actually Kerry W. Thornley), co-founder of discordianism. He was one of the first two or three guys to start publishing Discordian pamphlets in the sixties, some of which were eventually compiled into the Principia Discordia. You can find this edition for sale at amazon.com, it's about nine bucks.

I'll give you fifty bucks for the Nick video. Speaking of which, YOOO-HOOO, Nick, where are you man? You haven't posted in a bit.

Hey Molly, you know how I was telling you about Ian Anderson's funny essays on the Tull website? Well, here's a good recent sample from a piece he wrote about the annoyance of cell phones:

"Only yesterday, I felt the need to pursue some poor chap from his still warm vacated train seat where his mobile was furiously ringing at flat-out volume and playing some shrieking synthesized Bach extravaganza. Finding him relaxed at the train buffet car reading a paper, I informed him that his phone was about to attempt to survive a high speed landing from an express train window if he did not return to switch it off immediately. He seemed, for some reason, a little miffed at this but clearly recognised that no bluff was playing carelessly at my lips. Moi, tetchy? Mais non. Just standing up for normal decent people everywhere. The cellphone sheriff comes to town. "

-Matt


::: posted by Comic Tools at 11:37 AM



Sunday, December 23, 2001 :::
 
Wait... Ben, I know this is from a few entries back, but when you said " Good thing I'm not a naughty boy", were you picking up on the fact that I was basing my character on doctor Forrester from MST3K? Or am I just reading too much into it? ( See, I'm a naughty boy was a line of his from the movie.)

::: posted by Comic Tools at 11:25 AM


 
Good points on the shameless flattery Molly! Hey, would Ben be at this proposed pasta making party? I'd like to meet him in person sometime.

I think they would see swirly blobs in varrying shades of grey, just like the view from the cieling at the republican national convention.

Suggestions for the "something" lost: Our blue frilly underpants /Our pet penguin, "Waddles"/ Joe Dommagio ( Joltin' Joe has left and gone away, hey hey hey...) / any sense of adult dignity I may have felt before I discovered that a colon and a hyphen look like genitalia :- and my subsequent realization that I find that rather amusing.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 11:05 AM



Saturday, December 22, 2001 :::
 
Wait Ben... Are you saying your discordian cabal fell into...DISCORD??? My God, man, you've paid Eris the ultamate tribute!! you're a genius!

And come to think of it, your whole entry fell into discord! Hail freakin' Eris, the man's an eristian avatar!

( Molly, regarding your entry- the dirty socks wouldn't be a reference to the Ren and Stimpy episode, would it? And yes, I'd be in on the orgy faster'n a streaker in January. And if you tell them about the terriaki sauce incident, I might just have to tell them about the mayonaise/ saddle chimes/ telescoping roto-rooter incident.)

::: posted by Comic Tools at 11:16 PM


 
( Shuddering seductively)

So, you won't be conquered, eh? Fine, fine, then please accept my apologies by sniffing this sweet orchid in the lapel of my labcoat with the nozzle in the center that leads to a bottle with " Mind Control Gas" written on it. ( Breaking character) No problem Molly, I love feeding and entertaining people as much as I love being fed and entertained by people. You're welcome over any time you like. Hello Ben, it's nice to meet a fellow Discordian. Hey, Nick, are you a discordian too? Oh, incidentally, I don't mind if you read my blog ( after all I've seen yours, fair's fair) But you mighta asked first Molly! So if you'd like nude photos of Molly you can find them at www...just kidding. ( re-entering character) You will all cower at my feet!!! COWER!!!! AH, HA! HA! HA! HA!

::: posted by Comic Tools at 3:49 PM



Friday, December 21, 2001 :::
 
( Maniacal laughter.)

::: posted by Comic Tools at 5:26 PM


 
Hello you pitiful, insignificant insects, I'm an evil super genius bent on dominating the world. Soon you will all bow down before your grand dominatrix!!! Wait- that's not right...Uh, anyway, you will all perish under my sering heat rays, and your cities will crumble under the tidal waves generated by my tidal wave-generating trained evil whales! But first I have to get some of those things, so for now I'm just going to conquer the people in this blog to get the money for the down payment on the heat ray. I'll start by coooonnnquerrrringgg...YOU! Ben! Tell me Ben, how would you feel about BOWING DOWN BEFORE ME?!

::: posted by Comic Tools at 5:24 PM

ARCHIVES :::

Ben, Nick, Molly, Matt, Carter, Maria, Christy, Jason, Greg, Eric, and UNCLE JEFF!! We are truly honored to have someone among us who is over 20 and claims to have some sort of responsibility. It won't last long.