Sunday, March 31, 2002 :::
 
Quick addendum.
Upon checking my e-mail a moment ago I got some news about this week's Homework of Doom(TM). Now they tell me that the program that my program outputs should not be in Java (as I have been writing it for several days now) but in C (which I never really got the hang of and haven't worked with in years). I believe I speak for a notable portion of the student body when I say AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
You sick, cruel, leechfucking bastards! Why didn't you tell us this before?!?! May tarantulas spawn in your colon!!!

Sorry about that. I'm done now. And THAT is the end of the news.

-Carter

::: posted by Carter at 12:51 AM


 
Of COURSE it's going to be 90% porn. So long as it's physically allowed, this shall ALWAYS happen. It's Sturgeon's law, it is. As for DISTURBING porn, well, that's a another matter. Of course, it happens on the web just as much...
I can still use Morpheus because, well, on a cable modem a 10 meg file is nothing to write home about. Hell, I have six downloads going right now that are all over 20 meg. And I seem to have a pretty good sense of what is and is not porn. Plus Audiogalaxy just irritates me too much.

Molly, I seem to be too late on the slap, but I can try and help your line wrap issue. I don't know my way around any Blogger settings, so if it's in there you're on your own. And Blogger spits out some bigmotherHUGE header tags, and it's so damn complex I will probably NEVER figure out why it's doing that. So...
Assuming you don't want to put in manual <P> or <BR> tags, you can try any and all of the following:
Put a </BLOCKQUOTE> or </TEXT> tag at the beginning. I don't think it'll help, but it's worth a shot.
Encase the whole thing in a <PRE> tag. It will almost definitely work, but it may also do something strange I cannot foresee.
Put a </TD> tag at the beginning. This may or may not work and it WILL do something horrible either way. Last resort.
If none of those help I'll try and come up with something else. It's hard to work these things out when I can't edit with trial and error.

Right, so, about that track listing. Did you want just the songs, or all the little sound clips as well? Frankly I'm not sure which is easier, so let me know...

And that is the end of the news.

-Carter


::: posted by Carter at 12:39 AM



Saturday, March 30, 2002 :::
 
Oops...sorry about that, Matt. While I DID, in fact, make a point of mentioning it I just called it "Closer" at the time, which I now realize probably didn't get the point across. My bad. Just glad you caught it in time.

Molly, the Habba Habba Zoot Zoot song is called, strangely enough, "Habba Habba Zoot Zoot". Or possibly "Hubba Hubba Zoot Zoot", the spelling is somewhat ambiguous. And the band is "Caramba". I have a track listing for that one too, if you're interested...

And that is the end of the news.

-Carter

::: posted by Carter at 6:57 PM


 
Yes, it was pretty funny, but if I'd been in the bathroom or something and hadn't caught it, I wouldn't want to have seen Christe's parents reaction to the song. By the way, the song's title is actually "closer."

Here are the lyrics, just so you can see the enormity of what I averted:

you let me violate you. you let me desecrate you
you let me penetrate you. you let me complicate you
help me i broke apart my insides. help me i've got no soul to sell
help me the only thing that works for me. help me get away from myself

i want to fuck you like an animal
i want to feel you from the inside
i want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god

you can have my isolation. you can have the hate that it brings
you can have my absence of faith. you can have my everything
help me you tear down my reason. help me it's your sex i can smell
help me you make me perfect. help me become somebody else

i want to fuck you like an animal
i want to feel you from the inside
i want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god

through every forest, above the trees
within my stomach. scraped off my knees
i drink the honey inside your hive
you are the reason i stay alive

See what I mean?

By the way, did the water help you any? I hope I didn't make you drink too much, and make you sicker, but you're usually pretty underhydrated.

Man, cooking for yourself is great. I made spicy chipotle hash and eggs for breakfast and then for lunch I spent one and a half hours picking crab bodies for a delicious crab salad sandwich, which I had with tea. Yummers. Whoile I'm on the subject of food, I was wrong, actually. Basmati rice takes twenty minutes to boil, not ten. I was mistaken because I cook my recipie using a two-pan system, so while the rice is cooking I'm already starting another part of the recipie. That way, both ingredients are ready at the same time. It happens that I start the curry sauce ten minutes into the rice cooking, so that's what I remembered. (This, of course, is for the fresh recipie, not the leftover one. Same ingredients, you just cook the rice then instead of before.)

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 4:05 PM


 
Sorry to hear about the cold, Maria, get well soon! Let me know when you get the picture onto your website , so I can finally post the monkey. *Nick snickers*

By the way, Carter? You neglected to tell Molly that the song made from Mario brothers music was the Nine Inch Nails song "fuck you like an animal." We were listening to it at Christie's and we managed to catch it just as the "f-" came on. Fortunately, disaster was averted this time, but you might mention things like this in the future.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 1:50 PM



Thursday, March 28, 2002 :::
 
Ahh. Well, it IS true that at the moment it's quite impossible to write an algorithm that writes algorithms. But if you already have an algorithm it's entirely possible to write a program for generating a SPECIFIC program. It's just kind of bizarre and pointless. Still, that's my assignment. Write a program that writes a program that sorts a list of integers. Like, puts them in numerical order. It WOULD be painfully simple if it weren't for the long list of really obtuse restrictions. But who can resist a challenge? And unlike my other class, I have faith that my instructor does these things for our own good.

ANYway, FLCL (pronounced FLCL) is that show about the alien girl with the Vespa who goes around hitting people with her guitar, and the boy with all the robots coming out of his head. It's from one of the Evangelion guys. I'm glad you like Dreams Come True, I'm rather fond of it myself. And I don't have any (reasonable) ballad ideas. Maybe later.

And that is the end of the news.

-Carter

::: posted by Carter at 12:05 PM


 
Ahhh...refreshed. Caught up on sleep and almost everything else, excluding homework. Unfortunately homework looks like it's gonna be a SPECTACULAR bitch this time. I've read the assignment four times so far, and I still don't even understand what they want me to do. First it looked like a really sadistic integer sorting program, where you're not allowed to use ANY loops at all, so everything has to be recursive. Ugh. Plus it's only allowed to look at any given number once, which seems really bizarre. But now it seems like they don't just want us to write a program that does this, they want us to write a program that writes a program that does this. WTF?!?!

And I'm done.

Molly, thanks endlessly for lending me this book. Much goodness. And I actually did keep a record of that CD so I'll waste a lot of blog space with it now.

1. "My Man" by TMBG (Which you probably could have guessed)
2. "Ride On Shooting Star" by The Pillows (Off the FLCL soundtrack)
3. "Listen To My Words" by Papaya
4. "Alles Nur Geklaut" by Prinzen
5. "Stress" by Jim's Big Ego
6. "Smile Smile" by Papaya
7. "First Album Medley" by TMBG
8. "Lovesick" by Tuscadero
9. "Call Me, Call Me" by Yoko Kanno and The Seatbelts (Off the Cowboy Bebop soundtrack)
10. "Guildo Hat Euch Lieb" by Stephan Raab
11. "Dreams Come True" by SES
12. "Your Song" as done by Ewan McGregor (Off the Moulin Rouge soundtrack, but I'm sure you knew that...)
13. "Duvet" by Boa (Off the serial experiments Lain soundtrack)
14. "Adult Ceremony" by Park Jiyoon (Sans creepy teddy bear and blood lipstick)
15. "El Tango De Roxanne" by, umm, that argentinean guy I guess (Also off the Mouling Rouge soundtrack, which you still knew)
16. "Rain" by Yoko Kanno and The Seatbelts (Off the Cowboy Bebop soundtrack again)
17. "Hindi Sad Diamonds" by Nicole Kidman and some other people (Still off the Moulin Rouge soundtrack)
18. "Green Bird" by Yoko Kanno and The Seatbelts (Off the Cowboy Bebop soundtrack, and no I don't know why it's called that)

And that is the end of the news.

-Carter

::: posted by Carter at 12:19 AM



Wednesday, March 27, 2002 :::
 
Hey, that's great, that's what I had planned all alo-...IIIII mean, sure, anytime, glad to help a friend. ;)

-Matt. Maria, where are you? Maybe if I put some Maria food under the front porch she'll just wander back on her own...

::: posted by Comic Tools at 8:52 PM



Tuesday, March 26, 2002 :::
 
Try not to get too depressed, Ben. You have many concerned friends who love you. (And yes, I realize that the fact that you don't see them nearly enough is, in fact,a large part of your problem.)

However, this might make you feel better: Imagine, as vividly as you can, you,sitting atop a great pyramid of snow,lying in one of those slave-carried beds, lashing your bound and shackled classmates as they toil to remove the snow from your driveway using only teaspoons.

Feel better?

-Matt



::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:11 PM


 
I thought I should share this with all of you. I found it on K. Buxton's site.

I dreamed that I was walking down the beach with the Goddess. And I looked back and saw footprints in the sand.
But sometimes there were two pairs of footprints, and sometimes there was only one. And the times when there was only one pair of footprints, those were my times of greatest trouble.

So I asked the Goddess, "Why, in my greatest need, did you abandon me?"

She replied, "I never left you. Those were the times when we both hopped on one foot." And lo, I was really embarassed for bothering Her with such a stupid question.

Carl Muckenhoupt, without honorary
on alt.discordia

-Matt

P.S.-Yoo-hoo, Maria, did you get my e-mail? Hel-ooooooooo?


::: posted by Comic Tools at 5:04 PM



Monday, March 25, 2002 :::
 
Wow, the more I think about it, the more ways there are to take that.


::: posted by Comic Tools at 4:45 PM



Sunday, March 24, 2002 :::
 
By the way, now that I seem to be using IM more than once a month or so, I was wondering if I could get everyone's screen names. Molly and Ben, I have yours, of course. And Maria, did the e-mail go through okay? I'd like to post the monkey. It was really cool meeting you, by the way. It was wonderful to see all of you. I shall have the pleasure again, I hope.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:27 PM


 
Ooh, sorry about that Nick. Molly even called me up and told me it was really good. (That's not what she was calling about, but she did mention it.) Ah well, perhaps some other time. I'm happy to cook at any gathering, as I love cooking for/with friends. If you'd like to try it yourself, the recipie is pretty damned simple. Here it is:

Leftover Bosmotti rice curry

1 serving's worth cold leftover bosmotti rice (However much you're going to eat. Use plain rice only.)
1 good-sized pat of butter
1 1/2 tbsp. olive oil
a big pinch of kosher or sea salt
1 tbsp of your favorite curry powder (I used "Sun Brand" madras curry powder, which is my personal favorite.)
some half and half, or, if you have it, cream

Heat oil and melt butter together over medium heat in a small saucepan. Put in curry powder and salt, let sit in oil for a bit. Then add rice, and stir until the rice is completely coated in the curry oil. Stir it around until it warms up, and then add cream until it looks moist, or maybe a little wet. Let cook a bit more, until warm again. That's it. Serve it up.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:22 PM



Saturday, March 23, 2002 :::
 
Hey, I'll call later tonight, but I was wondering, is coming over Sunday totally off or is it a possibility? And did you say something about transporting Maria then? I forget.

-Matt


::: posted by Comic Tools at 1:42 PM



Friday, March 22, 2002 :::
 
Okay. "Nick is a tambourine man." Did that satisfy?

::: posted by Comic Tools at 2:32 PM



Thursday, March 21, 2002 :::
 
Molly, I need an answer. I'll check this as late as ten.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 8:40 PM


 
If I do come over early, make sure you have eggs, I'll need em' for whatever I cook.

I'm having much fun exploring Tom's archives. I like Sparky's campaign slogan, "Everyone else is a wanker." Nader shoulda' used that.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 1:53 PM


 
You had a chance to see Amelie and you didn't see it?! WHAT THE BLEEDING WANKING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU??!!

Anyway, let me know by tonight if I can come over in the morning, otherwise I am without ride.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:27 AM



Wednesday, March 20, 2002 :::
 
Molly? Need clarifications...where EXACTLY am I to meet you? Parentals are confusticated. I e-mailed you, no response yet. The thing is going kablooie and the doohicky's going, like, the deal...
Need info!
Oh, and I'll see you tommorow. Happy happy!

::: posted by Carter at 10:04 PM


 
Okay, I just talked to my mom. On Friday, I can only come under my own transport in the morning, at seven thirty. I do, however, have a lift back, as late as ten o'clock. So let me know if I can come on the early ride. I'll cook everybody breakfast. So is Sunday a total loss or what?

Oh, by the way, I saw this thing today that was really funny. In response to a local school's "Red Indian" team mascot, a basketball team which happened to have real indians in it decided to express their feelings about the other team's mascot by calling themselves the "Fighting Whites", or the fighting whities, as they're affectionately known by the school. The jersey has a picture of a Tom-Tomorow style fifties white guy and the team slogan "everything's going to be all white." This may lead to the first instance in which intelligent individuals scream "WHITES RULE!!" at the top of their lungs at non-whites.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 4:20 PM


 
Well, for me, Friday is the hugest maybe. Saturday I could come only in the afternoon, and sunday is unsure but generally open time-wise. When is the evil-dead marathon supposed to take place? I don't care if I have to smegging WALK, I'm getting to that.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 2:28 PM


 
What time can I come over? What time can I stay till? (since I'm quite certain your mother won't permit two boys staying. Too bad too, I cook a mean breakfast...) Same thing on Saturday and Sunday. Saturday and Sunday are pretty likely, I'll have to see about Friday. Transportation issues. I have a reasonably sure ride back, but no source of transportation up yet, unless I could come early in the morning, and that's assuming my mom's route happens to pass near there in the morning. So please, give me ALL possoble times I could come.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 11:30 AM



Tuesday, March 19, 2002 :::
 
Thank you very much, Maria. The website address will be just fine, I'd like to work the picture into my original post if I can. I- hey, what the? Where the hell do you think you're going with my soul? Get back here! Hey! *chases Nick for a few blocks, finally stops and collapses, out of breath.*

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:46 PM


 
Hello folks!! Little help here? How can I get this picture to work?

::: posted by Comic Tools at 8:04 PM


 
Ok...on the lighter side of the news, it looks like I will be able to get a ride out to Littleton, I just need a more concrete sense of where/when to pass on to my chauffeur, er, father. Also, should I plan to bring up a sleeping bag and stuff, or is there going to be a bed involved?
Hmm...must...prepare...

::: posted by Carter at 5:23 PM


 
I need another solution. Domain names cost moolah, which I ain't got.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 5:23 PM


 
Huh?



::: posted by Comic Tools at 3:35 PM


 
As promised, my fellow blog-mates, here's a bit of Discordian art from my very own sketchbook, altered a bit of course on adobe photoshop...



::: posted by Comic Tools at 1:05 PM



Monday, March 18, 2002 :::
 
Well, Ben, I'm glad you don't know anything about any of that, because I certainly would find any such knowledge on your part to be loathsomely disgusting and quite a turn o-I MEAN WRONG!!! VERY WRONG AND BAD!!!! YES! YOU'RE MY BAD BOY!! I MEAN "A" BAD BOY!!!!!!

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:55 PM


 
Yes, Tom Tomorrow's name is Dan Perkins. By the way, the reason I wasn't familliar with that cartoon you mentioned is that he has added about eight years to his archives since I was last there. Hey, guess what website I'll be spending the greater part of my afternoon at tomorrow?

Hope your stomach feels better. You shouldn't eat so much or you'll get ill. Ill to your ill-prone stomach. (God, that interview was funny.)

They don't make body wigs for cats, do they? Or humans, for that matter? *ahem*, Ben?

-Matt



::: posted by Comic Tools at 5:50 PM


 
I thought you were going to be out of state Tuesday through Thursday. Is this not true? I might be able to come over Saturday or Sunday, I'll se. Or rather, I'll see. I have no idea what it means to se, so I guess I can't do it.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 11:55 AM



Sunday, March 17, 2002 :::
 
*rips free last remaining piece of webbing* Well, the phlegm worked, but not quite well enough. The webbing still retained enough of it's stick that I ended up giving myself a full-body waxing in the process of getting it off. I'm now silky-smooth in places no man over ten should be silky-smooth in. I'd like to thank you deeply for a good time, Ben.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:10 PM


 
Honestly Carter, I didn't notice that joke, I just wrote the phrase "wise ass" mindlessly. Sorry about that. Ben, I mispronounced one of the words in that chant you reccomended, and now I'm suspended from the kitchen cieling with some sort of webbing, and the creature is preparing some pleasant smelling liquid in a large pot on the stove that smells distressingly like cooking stock, and giving me hungry looks. I would appreciate a prompt reply.

-Matt, now he's pinching me and making some sort of comment that my star trek translator lists roughly as "juicy." Help.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 6:17 PM


 
Ok, "wise-ass remarks"???
I think that's the most awful thing I've ever heard...

::: posted by Carter at 2:23 AM



Saturday, March 16, 2002 :::
 
The votes are in, the essays have been reviewed, and the scores have been tabulated. The bum tribunal is now ready to render it's decision. Ahem.

" We find that while Carter's bum is not exactly up to the level of the greek god's derrieres, which were so magnificent they neccecitated being immortalized in marble, it ain't no cottage-cheesy set of deflated tires, either. We award Carter's tuckus the level of 'fashonably acceptable.' He will be awarded a hemo-doughnut wreath and a thigh-master. This verdict shall conclude this running gag, unless of course someone has any last wise-ass remarks to make. The tribunal has spoken." ( )( ) <--Official Bum Tribunal symbol





::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:01 PM


 
About nine months ago I saw two things in the same night. I saw a flash of curly brown hair, and then, maybe a few hours later, I saw green men prodding me up the bum. Then, just a few days ago, I awoke to find a rather large hole torn in my stomach, and a trail of blood leading from my abdomen to a foot high, big-eyed version of Ben who was staring at me all doughy-eyed and calling me "Da-da!"

Ben, you didn't happen to rape me, and then, shortly after, have aliens come into my room and impregnate me, resulting in an alien embryo contaminated with your DNA, did you? Cause if you DID, that wasn't very ni-AAAAUGH!!! Sorry, the damned thing keeps trying to nurse. Ben, could you please explain this? AAAAAUUGH! NO! That isn't a nipple either!!

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 1:27 PM



Friday, March 15, 2002 :::
 
Yeah, the friends camp picture looks great to me. Actually, that's a pretty good picture of all of you.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:44 PM


 
You know, Molly, if you wanted to get creative about it, you COULD just remove the picture from wherever you're actually keeping it. Of course, I should add that from where I sit, it looks just fine. Possibly a different resolution or something. But if you want to have it be a little x again, that'd do it...

::: posted by Carter at 9:28 PM


 
Well, it seems my mission here is accomplished. *Stands on top of a building wearing a billowing cape, in front of some dramatic back-lighting and a flapping American flag.*

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 11:41 AM


 
Okey doke, let's see if I can do this now. You should see a picture of Jim Woodring's Frank wearing some stunningly fashonable frogskin goggles.



::: posted by Comic Tools at 11:35 AM


 
The funny thing is, that'a all completely true, just out of context. That's why in court they make you swear to tell the whole truth.

I'll Try that picture thing a little later, I need breakfast now. Thanks Carter, I'd spent about two hours trying to use HTML to get the picture in, but it kept coming out as a box with an X in it, and I couldn't for the life of me fugure out how to fix it.

And now I MUST HAVE EGGOS!!!
-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 8:46 AM



Thursday, March 14, 2002 :::
 
Thank you.
Ok, THAT'S how you use images. Now the trick is to see if the blog will let me tell you how to do it without actually trying to show an image.
I THINK I remember how this works...
Wish me luck.
It's just <img src="the url of the picture you want to show">

That should work.

::: posted by Carter at 11:16 PM


 
That did NOT work, but I think it's just because I forgot to take into account that geocities is currently run by fascists.
Just to be sure...take two:

Please?

::: posted by Carter at 11:10 PM


 
Ahh, Maria, I know how you feel. I fought a continuous battle to study for my mid-terms while desparately trying not to read "The Big U". Which, coincidentally enough, is actually by the SAME GUY as Snow Crash, so we might well want to start sending him messages complaining about how he's ruining our academic lives.

...or not.

Ok, Molly, images. Lemme see...
This thing seems to like straight html well enough so, let's see if this works:

If it doesn't, I'll have to try harder...

I have actually seen Rawhead Rex, but it didn't make nearly as much of an impression on me. Must not have been paying enough attention.
Dangit, I wish my ibuprofen would kick in...

::: posted by Carter at 10:51 PM


 
I was telling Molly earlier about this obscure horror film I'd seen, and I wondered if anyone else had seen it too. It's called "Rawhead Rex." The plot centers around a large monster in Scotland who eats people. The creature eats this american guy's son, and he vows to kill it. He figures out that the monster is actually an old pagan god who got banished when the place turned Christian, and that the only way to defeat it is with some special pagan fertility figure. The figure is of a fat woman with short stubby limbs and a huge vagina on it's stomach. As it turns out, a man cannot weild the figure, it has to be a woman, and so his wife takes it, and then the big vagina on it's stomach opens up and blue lightning starts shooting out of it at the creature. Then the lightning starts making the gravestones glow, (the battle is in an old graveyard) and then the spirit of some robed woman comes out of the figure's woo-hah and starts shooting more lightning at the creature. The creature's reaction to this is to fall down screaming in every shot, then reappear standing up again in the next shot. The camera cuts off the creature every time the creature falls down to show more vagina lightning coming out of the figure. Neither the man nor the woman seem to think any of this is strange. Then the vagina starts to shoot out blue lasers at the creature. So now the figure is shooting blue cunt-rays at the creature, ant it's writhing on a large tomb, and suddenly the creature turns really old and falls down again and crashes through the roof of the tomb and dies. Then the statue, apparently hit with a sudden burst of modesty, closes up it's laser pussy.

Molly, Maria, this ever happen to you?

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:41 PM


 
Sadists, Ben? Oh, I don't know. My test administrator seemed quite nice enough. She gave me an ergonomic chair to lean over as she brutally lashed my bottom open with her thumb-tack tipped horse crop, and the test papers gave me helpful hints by delivering excruciating electrical shocks to my testes when I got an answer wrong.

Unfortunately, none of that happened. I'm not particularly into sado-masochism, but that place was so boring that excitement in ANY form would have been more than welcome. Maybe I could find a way of spiking their ventilation tranquilizer formula with LSD. It would make the visual tests more interesting, to be sure.

Instructor- What do you see?
Student- Uh, lizards, crawling out of the scope, into my eyeballs, and into the core of my soul.
Instructor- Correct!

-Matt



::: posted by Comic Tools at 8:46 AM



Wednesday, March 13, 2002 :::
 
I'd imagine that's the Bureau of Motor Vehicles, judging from the description.
I just got out of my midterm. Ah-hah-NAM!!
That went really well. It was quite difficult, but I'm very VERY confident about how I did.
Anywho, I'm still on campus, but I'll be home by about 9:30 at the latest. Feel free to give me a call, Molly. And I should call Sloane too. Before or after, I know not which.
And it sucks that you didn't get into the schools you applied for, but you do seem like you'd be happy at NMH or UWC, so I'm happy and sad for you.

This keyboard is evil, so I'm going home. Later all.

::: posted by Carter at 7:08 PM


 
Hey all! I spent an hour at the B.M.V. today! Boy, and diddn't I have a deliriously exciting time? I think government buildings are specifically decorated to be the visual equivalent of jabbing a straw into your skull and sucking out your frontal lobe. And I'd bet good money that the paint they used on the walls is actually known as "bovine complacency blue."

Hey, Molly, I think this is a good thing. You said you liked NMH better, and I think the atmosphere of a school is one of the most important determinants in how you'll feel and how well you'll do in a place. You can't do well somehere if you hate being there. You can't learn something as well if you don't enjoy learning it. I've said that before, and so have you.

Oh, and Carter, good luck on the midterms. I'll give you an extension on your butt world peace essay.

-Matt


::: posted by Comic Tools at 6:04 PM



Monday, March 11, 2002 :::
 
For all you interested Invader Zim fans out there, I found a great old interview with Jhonen Vasquez, the show's creator, sound effects person, character designer, and head writer. The format is a little irritating, but it's really funny. Especially the last few pages. There's this one part where they're talking about stuff that got censored from the show, like one part where GIR is covered in blood. "But it's cute blood!" Jhonen contends. The interviewer concurs, "Of course! It's GIR! It HAS to be cute!" Jhonen also fought with the network over a scene with a Mexican joke in it. Nickolodeon thought it might be offensive. Jhonen pointed out that HE was Mexican, and he thought it was hilarious. He also might have used some colorful language to illustrate a suggestion he had for the program censor to do something unairable with himself, but he still had to change the scene. You can find the interview here.

Also, you can find a GIR plush doll at this site, (Look for the zim icon), and you can see a good picture of Jhonen Vasquez with blue hair on this site. Page down a bit.

Maria, where are those ass results?!! And Carter, you'll have to write a five-hundred word essay about how your butt has contributed to your community and/or world peace.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:50 PM


 
"Anylize it's squishyness?" BU-AH HA! HA! HA!HA!HA!HA!HA! Wooooo-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo! EEEHHA Ha Ha Ha HA! He! He! He! He! He! *wipes tear* oooooooh, Man....

::: posted by Comic Tools at 7:58 AM



Sunday, March 10, 2002 :::
 
I wouldn't worry about the sore throat. I seem to be getting over it, although I still have a bit of residual fatigue. I have a pretty strong immune system.

You can check out Lilek's site from the link Tom put in his post, but from what I've gathered from it, he's a journalist/commentator of some sort. He's pretty funny, actually. His accounts of raising his new baby are hilarious.

By the way except for Wednesday, you have a standing invitation to come over any time this week. As always, I have plenty of taped entertainment, good food, a nice trail in the woods, and a smooth and nearly car-free running road, on which I'll be happy to accompany you, if you'd like to run with a partner.

I expect a full report on Carter's butt in the morning. That goes for you too, Maria. I don't care how busy you were, you were there to judge buttocks, dammit!

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:44 PM



Thursday, March 07, 2002 :::
 
Note: Molly will be away for a few days doing an independent review of Carter's Buttocks in a secluded setting. The conclusions of her review will be posted as soon as she gets back.

-Ass judging head panelist Matt.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:48 PM



Wednesday, March 06, 2002 :::
 
If Rebecca doesn't run away screaming after that post, I'm cool with her being in. By the way, Carter, you'll probably get this reference: "Powdered Toast Man!" "Cling to my buttocks children!! *grab, fart, ZOOOM!*

::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:16 PM


 
Results so far from the Carter's ass judging panel:

In the "squeeze" test- 5.5

In the "well wiped" evaluation- 4.3

In the "undies riding into crack" distance event- perfect six

In the "endurance sitting" event- 4.5

In the can-crushing competition- 5.6

In the "general sexalicious effect" judging- 5.8

In the smooth/ cottage cheesy texture contest- 5.5

Further events to take place. Stand by for the exciting "arousal/ nausea produced by wearing of skintight thong" event!

::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:13 PM



Tuesday, March 05, 2002 :::
 
The question is, Carter, do you have a nice butt? I hereby conviene a panel of judges to determine the quailty of Carter's butt! You will be judged in a number of categories, measuring all aspects of your buttitude, and scoring will be performed with a series of cards the judges will hold up, ranging from six, the highest, down to the lowest, which is just a very large card which will mercifully obscure their view of your butt should it prove unworthy. Let the voting begin!!!

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:58 PM


 
So...tired...
Well, I finally have my homework reasonably under control, so I can now find time for little luxuries like blogging. And sleep, for that matter. I also had a mid-term today, but it was pretty much the easiest test ever. Honestly, I think my name was the hardest question.

Anyway, welcome aboard, Maria. Thanks to you I may have been able to set some kind of record for shortest run as new guy. Huzzah for that!

I really thought I was the only one that had seen that movie. Actually I thought I was the only one that had seen BOTH of those movies, but I guess not. Molly, you did spell Jennifer Connelly's name right, but you spelled the Wayans brothers' name wrong. Not that I care half as much. And for the record it was Marlon and I think his character was named Tyrone. Or Tyrell, or something like that. That WAS a disturbing movie, probably less so for me than for you, but still. Jennifer was exceptionally...dirty, at times. It's a wonder it didn't ruin my image of her as Sarah. Although I suppose if that were going to happen it would have happened some time ago.
I should probably point out that you CAN get an edited R rated version of that, but it seems to be really rare, which is kind of odd.
I should probably also point out that Arachnid was just a very cheap ripoff of the 80s version of "The Fly".

Oh, and you do have a nice butt, Molly.

I'll see some of you on Friday. Until then, Carter out.

::: posted by Carter at 1:30 AM



Monday, March 04, 2002 :::
 
To answer your questions in order,

Nate Okun. You know, my fellow conspiritor in butt complimenting. Yes, I'd like to see it just to mock it soundly afterwards. I'm such an MSTie. (That's a term for a rabid fan of Mystery Science Theatre 3000.)

Well, no you don't, and thank you. *Blushie Blushie.*

Maybe it is, and maybe it isn't. You'll find out when you reccieve your invitation the night before the next full moon.

The pigs story is in yesterday's post, but you'll see it tomorrow anyway. It's in my notebook.

Hmm...maybe I could come over there. If I give her advance warning, my mom can pick me up.

By the way, you realize you published your post like three times, right?

Still have problems acessing your site.

I hope I didn't scare Maria off with the executioner's mask condom comment. Maybe she just popped off to buy a pack.

-Matt



::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:11 PM


 
First of all Molly, I thought you might like to know that the big dictionary on the table in the library says that susurrous is both an adjective and a noun. So your use is okey-dokey.

Why were you watching this movie anyway? I mean, what about it seemed so appealing that you wanted to watch it in the first place?

YES, I know who Matt Clark is. * Gives Molly withering glare.* He broke my fun-glasses today, and I had to spend two periods fixing them.

I'd say the main thing you missed today was a description from Nate about this cheesy Horor film he saw, called "Arachnid", or something. It's about this guy who gets injected with some vaguely identified spider extract and starts to become a hideous half-spider, half-man. He shoots web out of his belly button and uses it to catch and eat pretty much everyone he sees, because, as the "scientific" explanation at the beginning of the film states, spiders are the hungriest creatures on the planet, and they never stop eating. Apparently the writers didn't actually know enough science to base their film on a real scientific premise, so they just made one up, smoked a bunch of crack, died, and the script was handed over to an infinite number of retarded monkeys with typewriters for fine-tuning. There's also this girl who he likes (of course), and she declines to either mate with him or to eat him afterwards. I guess he gets sad and asks a sheriff to shoot him in the end. He ends up having to re-state his request a couple of times, because the sheriff aims like he's still wearing his demonstrational beer goggles. We can only hope he has better aim over a tiolet seat, or else he'd be soaking people several stalls over. You also missed seeing the new oil painting I brought in, but you'll see that tomorrow. Also, your shoes are in the science building, right inside the door to the left. If you feel good Wednesday, we'll be doing the door ceremony, I hope.

Well molly, I won't say exactly who the girl was in my dream, but I can tell you she has shoulder-length blond hair, and wears jeans alot, and her name starts with an "M " and ands with a "Y" ...Just kidding. Stop hyperventilating. I think of you as a buddy, sexual feelings about you just don't occour to me. Never have, really. That's how I decided I preferred you as a friend rather than a girlfriend in the first place. If you ever need a physical compliment to boost you, however, you do have a fabulous butt. (Hmm, maybe this isn't the best thing to say to you in the wake of that movie.) Actually, I don't know who the girl was in my dream. I think she was a figment of my imagination. She had some definite chineese features, but she had some other race in her that made her taller and darker skinned then a chineese woman.

Hey, how did you like the flying pigs story?

Oh, by the way, check with your parents about the possibility of doing something thursday afternoon. Either I could come over or you could come here, or we could both go to a completely new and different place, like a yogurt factory, or another dimension that's nothing but an infinite sea of butterscotch pudding with carnovorous monkeys swimming in it. ( That's an oddly pretty image, now that I think of it.)

Oh, and I re-wrote the HTML on my blog to change a few things, Tell me if you think it looks better. Speaking of which, your blog has been loading very slowly since Saturday, on every computer I've been on. My home computer seems to load it the fastest.

I hope you feel better Molly.

Toodles,

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 2:43 PM



Sunday, March 03, 2002 :::
 
Once again, muchos congratulachez (<-- Not real Spannish) on your acceptance. I've never hallucinated, but I can tell you that last night I finally had my first sexually pleasant dream. Note I say pleasant. I've had some real nightmares, boy. Jeez, I'm over eighteen now, I guess my brain's a little slow on the draw. Speaking of sex, could you please explain this Jesus cunt buisness? Je ne comprend pas. (<-- Real French.)

By the way, this may be a good example of why I'm such an inefficient person. I actually wrote this on a to-do list I was making for the coming week. It took me fifteen minutes to write. By the time I finnished, I forgot the items I was about to put on the list, and it took me an additional five minutes to remember them.

Home work
and other stuff too-doo immidiately, or eventually, or sometime, or when I get around to it, or when hell freezes over, cracks open, and flying pigs come flapping out and fly to the blue moon, where they will establish an intergalactic swine government. For years people would report sightings of flying pigs in the sky, ( yes, I'm aware I switched tenses.) the most notable of which was an incident where it was reported a pig had actually crashed in the desert outide of Roswell, New Mexico. The government dismissed these sightings, and explained the crash simply as one of a series of tests the military was conducting with weather balloons filled with pork meat and feathers. The military later abandoned these tests in favor of more traditional Helium-filled balloons.

-Matt

Oh, and welcome Maria. Welcome to my nightmare! AH-HA HA HA HA HA!!! Oh, wait, that sounds wrong with the top of this post. I diddn't mean it like that. I was just gonna torture you and maybe cover you in rats. Totally platonic. Hmm. I suddenly wonder if there's any such thing as a condom that looks like an executioner's mask.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 7:48 PM



Friday, March 01, 2002 :::
 
Man, you ever been standing in the shower and lose all track of time? How long have I been in here? Five minutes? Fifteen minutes? Have I washed my hair yet? Have I already washed it TWICE? It FEELS washed...

Oh, Molly, you left your shoes in the school building. I'll give em' to you monday. And don't stress anymore about what you said.You have enough to stress about already.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 11:41 PM

ARCHIVES :::

Ben, Nick, Molly, Matt, Carter, Maria, Christy, Jason, Greg, Eric, and UNCLE JEFF!! We are truly honored to have someone among us who is over 20 and claims to have some sort of responsibility. It won't last long.