Monday, September 30, 2002 :::
 
Yer welcome. And all girls with tampon troubles should check out the link I've provided on the end of my latest blog entry. That, of course, would include me now.

-Matt, ha Molly, try to cut my wee-wee off now!

::: posted by Comic Tools at 11:31 AM



Friday, September 27, 2002 :::
 
Yeah Jason, some of us are women!

"um, Matt? You're a man? And why are you wearing a diaper?"

Not anymore! And those are bandages, by the way.

"Um, why you remove your pee-pee?"

It's all leading up to my eventual plan to be Greg's totally owned bitch-ho.

"Not if I can get there first!"

NO PENIS BOY! DON"T DO IT! YOU'LL LOSE TOUR POWER TO TRANSFORM INTO A GIANT CRIME-FIGHTING PHALLUS!

"Really? Man, wouldn't want to loose that. But what do I do?"

How bout we have biology supergenius clitorus girl make us som gay potion to slip into Greg's drink?

"Sounds good to me!"

*Captain Condom saves Penis boy from harm again!*

::: posted by Comic Tools at 11:06 AM



Tuesday, September 24, 2002 :::
 
I do believe someone put somethin' psychotropic in that boy's orange juice this mornin'.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 11:28 AM



Monday, September 23, 2002 :::
 
Pretty please?

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:32 PM


 
I command you!

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:32 PM


 
Post!

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:31 PM


 
Ahem. I know that Molly and Maria have been on the web since I posted last. I know they had time to write something. Yet, I see no comments on my blog, despite my last entry on the Holy Cucumber specifically requesting comments, especially from Molly. Apparently I am not making myself sufficiently clear. Allow me to explain:

If you go onto the web again and do not comment on my site, ESPECIALLY if you have commented on someone else's site, I will strangle you to death in your sleep. Capice? I...WILL...KILL...YOU. I hope I have been explicitly, crystal clear. Thank you.

-Love Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:31 PM


 
Um, right. Well, Jason's ass, just wake the arms up and tell them to type in www.theholycucumber.blogspot.com.


::: posted by Comic Tools at 11:01 AM


 
Awww, I love you too. *five minutes later* Well, I'm kissing MEN now too...

Now everyone else get your asses over to my blog and gimmie comments. NOW.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 12:00 AM



Friday, September 20, 2002 :::
 
Vey well computer! As you wish it. Ass smites-a-plenty you shall have. Nick! Join forces with me. Together we shall smite the ass of this machine as it's ass has never been smoten before or shall be evermore, unless at some point in the future we smite it again in the ass, which, of course, would be an even greater smiting! Now I will scream to make up for the drama lost in that overly long sentence! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:42 PM


 
Publish goddamn you! I'll smite you! In the ass! Do you dare invite my ass-smites?!

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:39 PM


 
Update: thanks Molly. Don't know yet when we're gonna have lunch, as he was at a "science meeting" when I called. Man, his mother is a flustery woman.

And now, another one of my famous toothbrushing songs:

Li-ife!
De-eath!
Clowns!
Whor-ores!
They're all connected in ways that scare me!

(repeat until your brains ooze out like warm toothpaste. Hmm. Brainy toothpaste. "Mah breath is stanky, but mah teeth is smarrrrt!)

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:38 PM


 
Wow. so no one has any comments about the directions lady OR my teacher dying? Yeesh, I thought they were interesting enough to warrant a few comments...

And Molly- I e-mailed you for this: I need Theo's number. NOW. Please.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:58 AM



Wednesday, September 18, 2002 :::
 
Well...this is...interesting.
Blogger's status page explains a multitude of issues, but not with any kind of depth or clarity. You're most likely either going to have to rebuild the template or try and wait it out. Sorry.
About the Moon Balloon. I was eleven years old. It was a childrens book, aimed primarily at chronically ill children actually. I know the author/artist, and she wanted to quote me on the back, hence...that...happened. I made a quick appearance at the Floating Hospital once as "the kid from the back of the moon balloon book". People were probably rather surprised I wasn't visibly dying. I later actually modelled for another one of her books, but it never got published.
And now you know.

Molly, if you see this before I talk to you again, it was "Be My Angel" from Angelic Layer.

-Carter, I feel like a rather spectacular idiot now...

::: posted by Carter at 12:21 AM



Tuesday, September 17, 2002 :::
 
It was SO FUCKING OBVIOUS...why didn't I get it?

The very, very obvious references (http://www.tmbg.org/band-info/songs/interp/WhyMustIBeSad.html) in the song "Why Must I Be Sad?"...all of which I managed to completely miss...stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Matt, I am an idiot....

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:03 PM



Monday, September 16, 2002 :::
 
1- I said "I'd like to kiss you." She was, as unlikely as it seems, in agreement with me.

2- You were. The same day, actually. Not that it's any of your goddamned business. ;-)

3-I don't know for sure, but my secret is my Hawaiian shirts. Specifically, they're soaked on extracted distilled human pheremones.

And thank you, but "my due?"

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 8:45 PM



Sunday, September 15, 2002 :::
 
So Nick's dating and I'm kissing girls? Have women suddenly developed excellent taste, or is this a sign of the impending apocalypse, one of the many bizerre and unnatural events which portend our impending doom? Hey, either way, man.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 6:20 PM



Thursday, September 12, 2002 :::
 
Ahh, I see your problem, Jason. Not file called "test" a folder called "test". One full of files.
Preferrably useless ones.
And yes, it's supposed to open the help and support center. That's what it does. Eating files like some kind of deranged, viral Pac-Man is only a side effect.

In the words of the prophet, let me explain.
The link of doom is the product of Microsoft's latest and certainly greatest Massive Security Fuckup (tm). The HCP protocol is a relatively new MS addition, that lets people use HTML links to open the Help and Support Center. So if I wanted to put up a troubleshooting page on, let's say, printers I could put a link on the page that would automatically open the appropriate H&S Center page for printers on the comp of whoever clicked it.
Simple, right? Right.
Now, due to some bizarre bug in one of the H&S Center pages, namely "uplddrvinfo.htm", if you put up a link to open that page you can throw in a little extra data at the end and it'll delete a file for you at the same time.
Any file. Or any directory of files. "C:\Windows" comes to mind.
All you have to do is click the spoooooky link and it'll open the H&S Center AND delete anything in the "C:\test" folder. Fun, isn't it?
I made it as a demo, thus it is relatively harmless. It'll only work if you have a copy of XP that has not been fixed yet, thus pretty much everyone here need not worry, but I needed to be able to point friends somewhere. If you DO have XP and you're reading this, go get the service pack that fixes it. Now. Because this is fucking scary.

-Carter, this has been today's Massive Security Fuckup(tm), check back tomorrow for another one

::: posted by Carter at 7:52 PM


 
Well Carter, since I'm apparently never going to see what the hell this thing is, just what is the link of Doom?

Damn, full nudity and sexual acts? I'm headin' over to Molly's site right now!

::: posted by Comic Tools at 4:30 PM


 
I don't know if it'll work in Netscape or not, but if you have a Mac you're out of the running altogether. Please play again later.

-Carter, kinda light on XP users around here actually

::: posted by Carter at 12:12 PM


 
Umm...the link isn't working, and I'm using a Mac. Do you need explorer, or will netscape do?

-Matt


::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:43 AM


 
Now it's time for Carter's Horror Theatre.
Any of you out there who are running Windows XP, do me a little favor. People who are using Macs or antique versions of Windows can move along.
The rest of you go and make a directory on your C drive called "C:\test\". Now go fill it up with some useless crap you don't need or want.
Still with me? All right, then.
Click, if you dare, on the spooooooky link of doom!

Scary, isn't it?

-Carter, go download this service pack and call me in the morning.

::: posted by Carter at 12:46 AM



Sunday, September 08, 2002 :::
 
Molly! Christy! Letters headed your way.

Hey, Carter, your bowing and turning incident with the korean girl reminds me of something I did in the subway recently. I believe Ava (pronounced a-vah) and I were head9ng back from Les Miserables, and we were waiting for the subway, and for some reason I was pretending to be a bull...oh, I remember now! I was saying how is you replaced a bull's horns with properly spaced scalpels and put a red cape over your crotch, you could get a charging bull vassectomy. So, anyway, Ava was holding out her sweater, and I charged at it fast and hard,not really contemplating that somebody might, you know, walk in back of it as I wasn't looking. So I come through the sweater to see a man's crotch a few inches directly in front of my face. I VERY quickly stopped, missing direct impact by only a few inches. The man just walked away quickly with a horrified look on his face, before I coulkd explain why, exactly, I'd just threw my face at his junk.

Ahh, life in New York.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 2:55 PM



Wednesday, September 04, 2002 :::
 
"fuse."

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:18 AM



Tuesday, September 03, 2002 :::
 
Yes, Molly, I got the card. I must say, I'm a little surprised that you seem to have caches of soft-core porn lying around your house. That has to be one of the most interesting cards I've ever reccieved. "So take this picture of a pen and masturbate like there's no tomorrow. cause you EARNED IT Matt!!"

Yer a twisted little cruller, ya know.

Yo, Carter, you ever seen a show in New York called "De La Guarda?" I just did. Quite a mindfuck.

Boy, there's gonna be so much blogging to catch up on for the past week. Events I've been to, girls I've met, things I've seen... lotta freakling stuff going on over here. Quite fun.

Well, toodles everyone!

-Matt,, who understands the pictures. (Oh, they grow up so fast...*sniff*)

::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:11 AM



Monday, September 02, 2002 :::
 
I'm back!

I wonder if anyone knew I was gone. Well...Molly did. But besides her. You know?
You'll have to excuse me, I have neither eaten nor slept in any meaningful way since late Thursday night. I think this is the first time I've really stopped moving, and the urge to lose consciousness is very strong.

If you haven't guessed yet, I was at a convention over the weekend. Anime cons are just about the most fun someone like me can have while fully dressed, but the feeling afterwards is rather like having been hit by a train. My hands hurt, my shoulders hurt, my back hurts, my feet hurt my head hurts when I can feel it. I generally feel like I'm going to fall out of my skin.

You have no idea how much fun I just had. But you will. Oh how you will.

Complete report coming soon on my personal blog.

-Carter, just as soon as I can find the Momus song I need...

::: posted by Carter at 9:13 PM

ARCHIVES :::

Ben, Nick, Molly, Matt, Carter, Maria, Christy, Jason, Greg, Eric, and UNCLE JEFF!! We are truly honored to have someone among us who is over 20 and claims to have some sort of responsibility. It won't last long.