Friday, May 31, 2002 :::
 
Hey Christy, I had the strangest dream about us last night. The basis of the dream was that you and I were trying to hang out together, but we were afraid about your parents finding us or something. Apparently your parents were really protective prudish hillbilly types who would punnish you and kill me if they found us together. You lived on a farm, which was actually those fields which fill up with water alot near Hebron, the ones that you go by approaching the school from Machanic Falls.

You were leading me somewhere we could hide where people wouldn't find us, "the loft" you kept calling it. You led me to a broken down white old building that looked like maybe a church from the outside, but was actually an old storage house, like for tools and supplies and things. We went just inside the door and sat down. We decided to have a tea party, so I pulled out an old box filled with medical supplies and metal tea cups, all of which were from nineteen sixty, for some reason. I figured that was the last time anyone had been in there. Before we could get started, some people came by the door looking for us (you had said we wree going to a loft, but in fact it turned out to be the ground floor of the shed, right in front of the door.) The people went right by, and didn't see us. We were both really scared but excited. Then I started to get out more tea supplies and the dream ended.

Carter, I have windows 95, if that helps. A full scan reveals nothing wrong with the hard drive. Thanks, that's been bugging me for years.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:56 AM



Thursday, May 30, 2002 :::
 
Hmmm, let's see...
In reverse order, the data that the machine is losing will be stuff that is being written to the disk when the error happens. Most likely the text from IM, or a web page you were loaded, or something similar. It's by no means essential data, so it won't cause any real problems. Don't let the size fool you, 20000 bytes could easily be a single image on a web site. As for why it's happening, it could be a bad section of the disk you keep hitting, so it wouldn't hurt to set aside some time and do a full surface scan in scandisk. If that comes up clean, it may well just be windows being naughty. At least I -assume- you're using windows. If you are, it should help to know which version, and if not that's kinda strange. If it's windows being naughty, really all you can do is some deep housekeeping. This is the sort of thing Norton Utilities is good for, if you find yourself with a painful surplus of money. Otherwise, well, that's kinda tricky, so I suggest you take it one step at a time. Beyod that, if it's actually a HARDWARE issue, then well...ouch. IRQ conflicts are rare these days, but it's not impossible. Given the circumstances it might actually be poorly behaved network card. Last resort kind of a thing. Well, good luck...keep me posted.

-Carter

::: posted by Carter at 11:50 PM


 
Hey, Carter, I have a computer quandry for you: My computer has a tendency to freeze up on IM. It used to do this other times, but now it only does it when I am on IM. It only occours when I am doing too much at once, like moving the mouse while something is loaded, or if I type while I'm reccieving something. It doesn't always do this in response to these things, however. The symptoms are a complete freezing of movement on the screen, and sometimes the mose will stop moving or disappear. The probem does not resolve itself with any amount of time. The only way to turn the computer off is to switch it off, which according to "scandisk" causes it to lose an average of 4000-20000 bytes of data. So, my questions are, what causes these freezes, and how can the computer constantly lose thousands of bytes of data and still run normally?

-Matt


::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:59 PM


 
Yaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy!!!! *does a dance with Christy*

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:53 PM


 
Hey Jason, it's a good thing you didn't go the other way first- the scan is front and back. Sorry, I thought I was pretty clear that it was the person's entire body- I even said one of the section titles was "tush," which you seemed to have no problem finding.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 3:30 PM



Wednesday, May 29, 2002 :::
 
Not necessarily, no. Although I'm sure inhaling a lot of silica dust could make it much easier to contract consumption it is entirely possible to do the one without the other.

-Carter, we must be so bored right now...

::: posted by Carter at 9:09 PM


 
TB test, huh? And I thought MY finals were rough. I didn't even know you were taking TB.
The archives do look better know, I just hope they stop dying all the time.

-Carter, hoping Molly has NOT gone all phthisic on us...

::: posted by Carter at 7:56 PM


 
Wow that's a lot of archive. At some point we may need to organize that better...

-Carter, boggling

::: posted by Carter at 5:47 PM


 
Error 100 is the http "continue" code. It barely qualifies as an error at all...
Another good error message, though, keep them coming!
Incidentally, it looks like blogger ate the archives again. Oh Molly, your administratorness? Is it time to "republish all" again?
In other news, it looks like my mother has actually managed to talk me into going to visit her in Egypt. I don't really want to, but it's the kind of thing I feel like I should do. I could have refused, though, I'm pretty confident about that.
Ahh well, I go get food now.

-Carter

::: posted by Carter at 3:06 PM


 
Everybody must read this.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 2:00 PM


 
*Is deceased*

By the way Molly, here's that bodyscan site I told you about. For everyone else, it's some internet art project where someone scanned their entire body, in sections, just using a normal scanner. They started at their feet, went up, went over the top of their head, and went back down the back to the soles of their feet. And they labaled the sections things like "my two souls" (her feet) and "tush". It's kind of cool.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 8:03 AM



Monday, May 27, 2002 :::
 
Man, I'm sorry Jason, but you do have the funniest spelling. What's interesting about it, is that it's not just misplaced or mismatched letters. Your words are actually spelled Phonetically correctly, they're just not the way the words are spelled. For instance, relief sounds the same spoken as relefe. But the former is corect, while the latter is a complete invention of your mind. I actually find I like some of your spellings better, like condum, for instance.

Well, I'm shur yor fase is terning red bi nau, so I'll stop.

Gud nite evree wun,

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:43 PM


 
I'm honored to have been deflowered in my human battleclub virginity by Jason.

Speaking of honored, Christy, your poem is the most flattering thing I've ever reccieved. Thank you. ~Hug~

Well, I'm off to finally updatemy personal blog. Toodles,

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:49 AM



Sunday, May 26, 2002 :::
 
I know there's some of you who'll be interested in this: I just read that Weird Al is beginning recording of his new album! The time is right- he averages two to three years between albums, and the last one was in 99'. DOES THE ABYSS OF GOODNESS OF THIS WEEK HAVE NO BOTTOM???!!

::: posted by Comic Tools at 6:18 PM


 
Oh god, yes-every part of thgat day was great. From the people who wanted to buy our "brownies" to the yelling hello at traffic to the subway surfing to the tickle-wars and hugging to Jason bludgening everyone with me to the people randomly giving us free food to dancing like crazed idiots to meeting all those wonderful freaks to, of course, the music, to graduating, the whole freakin' day was definitely one of the greatest times of my entire life. I'm deliriously happy today. I'm also making creme' brulee' right now. They're in the oven as I type. The kitchen is filled with the smell of vanilla and oranges and cream.

Hell, yes, invite them all! By all means do!

Oh, and I finally got the whole original episode of invader zim recorded today. No more cut-off in the middle of the episode.

Good to see you again, Maria and Carter. You both have the prettiest hair. Not to mention good taste in friends.

Luv' to ya' all as well, ta ta for now,

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 6:13 PM



Thursday, May 23, 2002 :::
 
I should draw a card with Captain Condom on it. If I do, I'll give you a signed copy.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 5:57 PM



Wednesday, May 22, 2002 :::
 
Did somebody call for Captain Condom?

::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:28 PM



Monday, May 20, 2002 :::
 
Actually Christy, I meant the contraceptive device called a diaphragm, which fits over the cervix.

Quote-of-the-day from Jason: (as usual, I'll not provide any context, instead leaving it up to your twisted imaginations.)

"It's black and smooth and odorless and you don't need to fear it."

Goodnight all,
-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:07 PM


 
*Matthew Bernier, secretly the Human Condom, sees Penis Boy* "By Jove, man, there's Penis Boy! And he isn't wearing a rubber! *Matthew dashes into the nearest phone booth, asks people to turn their heads a moment, strips nude, puts on his costume, and dramatically emerges as the Human Condom!!* "I must help him before he bumps into Clitoris Girl, with stimulating and disasterous consequences!! *Leaps upon Penis Boy* Yes! I've saved the day!- OH NO!! I've got a tear! Penis Boy, stop!! Oh no, we've bumped past clitoris girl! Now the path is all slippery, and Jason can't see with me on! We're stumbling on out of control! Penis Boy, I implore you, stop! Oh no, we're gonna go right through cervix girl! AAAAAAAAAAAAwait, what happened? We stopped! *gasp!* Diaphragm girl! You saved us!" "Yes boys, it's all in a day's work." *flies off* "Who WAS that masked diaphragm?"

Well? Who is it? The position's open to anyone who wants it. Even if you're not an exact fit for the job, I'm sure we can find some way to wedge you in.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 8:47 PM



Sunday, May 19, 2002 :::
 
YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!! I getta' go to da' connn-cert! I getta' go to da' connnn-cert! Woo-hoo! Yeah, Greg?

Also, do you know exactly where it is? Me mum wants to know, just out of curiosity, she still can't drive us. Man, this'll be a cool graduation day. I'm outta school, and then I'm at a concert. How cool is that? (So I went to your room and read your diary.) Toodles all,

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 3:40 PM



Saturday, May 18, 2002 :::
 
Hey, Molly? For graduation-day planning purposes, my mom needs to know by the end of the weekend wether or not I'm coming with you to the concert. (Please be yes, please be yeas, please be yessss....)

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 1:17 PM



Friday, May 17, 2002 :::
 
*hugs Molly* Don't be depressed. It'll be ok. I don't know how, in fact I don't even know what the hell is going on, but it'll be ok.

I liked Spider-Man too. It's amazing how much Willem Dafoe is shapeed like the Green Goblin. That's not a normal human shape, and I never really noticed it before, but it's quite striking. Plus bonus points for the appearance of Bruce Campbell, no matter how brief.

Attack of the Clones was good too. Considering when I'm posting this, I assume that when you all read it the wait will be tolerable, so I don't feel bad saying that.
It was GOOD. It wasn't perfect, but it was GOOD. It's really weird how Lucas manages to make really expressive, believable characters out of smoke and mirrors, and at the same time turns genuine living, breathing humans into soulless robots. It's AMAZING. People that I know are very good actors were TERRIBLE in this movie (not everybody, but certainly a fair number of people), and then there were characters that were totally CG at nigh-Squaresoft quality. Well, you'll see what I mean. At any rate, I feel that the suck was completely tolerable. The cardboard people weren't so cardboard that they couldn't be balanced out by everyone and everything else. This is the advantage it had over Phantom Menace. And Jar-Jar was only on screen for about two and a half minutes, tops. And he wasn't even all that recognizably Jar-Jar. That helped too. Meanwhile, I will get to ride the wave and be obsessive with my fellow nerds over the next few weeks/months. I just hope it doesn't interfere with my finals too much. *sigh* I'm still hearing lightsaber noises in my head, and it's been more than twelve hours. Not a good sign. You know what's really weird? Remember Wedge from the original trilogy? Funny little guy, spent all his time in an X-wing somehow managing not to die. You know who I mean. Well, turns out that that actor is Ewan McGregor's uncle.
I think that's funny.

There's a whole lot of other stuff that I've been meaning to write about, but I can't remember any of it, so I won't. Maybe later. Enjoy the movie, guys.

One more thing. Now more than ever, Yoda is the man. The weird little green lumpy MAN.

-Carter, music in one's head is pretty standard, but sound effects is just kinda weird...

::: posted by Carter at 2:50 AM



Thursday, May 16, 2002 :::
 
Yay!! and you get to see it again tomorrow night, becuase Christy, Ben and I are going, and we're going to drag you along with us! Woo-hoo!

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:17 PM



Monday, May 13, 2002 :::
 
Ummmm...yes. Yes I did. Thank you.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:29 PM



Sunday, May 12, 2002 :::
 
You should do a poem about the two kittens called puberty. Hey Ben, here's the link to the picture of the nude skydivers I told you about. You can see what I mean about it not being sexy at all. I'd normally just post the image, but this isn't the sort of thing to spring upon people without warning. Let me just put it this way- wind has an interesting effect on kittens.

-Pope Tobias B. Rittenhouse, preacher of Larry and the Holy Cucumber, keeper and occasional wearer of the tingly electric eel undrepants, undisputed champion of the National Naked Crisco Twister League.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:47 PM


 
The thematical construction is:

-introduction
-first sentence of external (non-me) points
-abrupt change for a moment to address the obvious criticisims that immidiately well up as soon as the beginning sentence is stated, which usually results in the dismissal of or lack of attention to the rest of the argument.
-re-start and stating of main points
-my opinion on the issue
-my response to the issue in terms of the school

There's also some finer structure within these sections, but that's the basic layout, idea-wise. Let me know if it seems to deviate or change tenses or person for a moment.

Two would be fine. My mom wants to know, what town is it in?

-Matt


::: posted by Comic Tools at 5:04 PM


 
In regards to the concert, a: yes, I'd definitely really like to go, and b: there might be a little schedule difficulty, as that's graduation day. So, what time of the day would we be leaving? I'll be making plans with a bunch of people for a post-graduation party at my friend Harriet's camp if I don't go, so I have to know wether it's possible for me to come or not.

Also, Molly, I'd appreciate any grammattical editing on this, because I'm sending it to the school paper, and there's no hope of it being edited by them.

To the editor of the school newspaper:

Dear Sir/Madam,

I felt that your article on the Hebron dress code didn't really address the core reason of why this is an issue, of just why exactly this bothers people so much. I have some very strong personal feelings on this matter, so I thought I might contribute my feelings to this discussion.

Basically, what the issue comes down to is freedom of self-expression.

And let me say right here to any school officials, just as your index fingers are going up and your voices are creaking with the first syllable of retort: let me make something clear here. I'm not making any attempt in this letter to address the issue of dress code policy or enforcement. I'm perfectly aware that it would be impossible for Hebron to accommodate my personal tastes regarding what people should be able to wear without being pelted under a hail of parental complaints. I'm also aware of the complexity of forming rules on such an issue, and the impossibility of making everyone happy with this kind of rule, and the absolute hell it must be to have to deal with all the complaints about it. I get it. But not only do I feel the dress code is more antagonistic and constricting than necessary in dealing with these considerations, but all that is also completely irrelevant to what I'm saying here. I seek merely to offer my personal feelings about the issue, and hopefully also help to give people an understanding about why some people are so strongly against it. I don't feel the school is in any way under the obligation to do anything about it, nor should it be. In agreeing to come to the school we also agree to follow it's rules, and it has every right to make us dress how it pleases. So, that having been said, I'll continue. As I was saying:

What the issue comes down to is freedom of self-expression. Individuals choose to express themselves in many ways, and one of them is the type of clothes they wear. Adorning one's body to visually represent one's style and personality is a very powerful means of communication and self-expression. And to have someone place limits on how you are to express yourself, or indeed to determine what it is you communicate with your dress, feels like a violation. It's a violation in the sense that someone is telling you what you can and cannot put on your very own body, which is a very personal kind of violation, but it also gives one the feeling that they are being used much like a puppet. Because, let's face it: All the talk about higher confidence and reduced distraction and higher productivity is damnable lies, all of it. The Hebron dress code is a marketing tool, a visual advertisement to prospective students. As such, it gives the students the feeling that their dress is being used to express the school's ideas, and not their own. Wearing what you wish to wear may seem like a small freedom, but nonetheless the dress code is an infringement on it.

And, as I've said, I freely acknowledge that it is a school's right to take this freedom away, if it wishes. But that doesn't mean I have to like it, or think it's morally right. In fact, I consider it to be an unnecessary infringement on a small but important personal freedom. Hence, two days ago when the dress code began to be enforced, I began my Hawaiian shirt color protest against the dress code, which persists to this day.

At first, I only wore Hawaiian shirts. This was in response to an order that all shirts must be collared shirts. Naturally, I went right out and bought a full wardrobe of the loudest collared shirts I could find, shirts which, although conforming to the code, were as far away from what I imagined they were looking for as they could be. I purchased Hawaiian shirts which had been tie-dyed, for an extra sixties protest feel.

Then the ridiculous order came that all shirts must be tucked in. I responded by adjusting my wardrobe to mock formal dress. I started wearing remarkably ugly, tasteless ties on top of my loud Hawaiian shirts, as a sort of grotesque parody of the shirt-and-tie look. The code hasn't been lifted yet, and so I still wear my shirts and ties, following, but by no means approving, and certainly not remaining silent.

Ta ta for now all,

-Matt


::: posted by Comic Tools at 3:56 PM



Friday, May 10, 2002 :::
 
Christy, that was the coolest, most eloquent metaphor I've ever read. Good essay, Molly. And Now for some Werid Al Yankovic:

I Remember Larry

Say, do you remember that guy Larry next door
Well, he always was the neighborhood clown
Like the time he pulled my pants off
and he took those color pictures
And posted copies all over town
Or the time that he dumped toxic waste on my lawn
Or those wacky prank phone calls
from midnight til dawn
What a crazy kid Larry was, always foolin' around

Boy, what a joker
What a funny, funny guy
I'll never forget about Larry
No matter how I try

Say, do you remember when I lost all my hair
'Cause Lar' gave me that Nair shampoo
And hey, how 'bout the day he put Ben Gay
inside my jockstrap
And filled my toothpaste tube up with glue
All those wedgies he gave,
all those shoestrings he tied
All those brownies he made with the Ex-lax inside
O Lar', I swear, it was a laugh a minute with you

Boy, what a joker
What a funny, funny guy
I'll never forget about Larry
No matter how I try

You know I couldn't help but laugh
Even though he treated me like slime
Remember when he cut my car in half?
Well, he really got me good that time!

Say, do you remember
when I broke in Larry's house
Late at night and tied his mouth with a rag
Then I dragged him by his ankles
to the middle of the forest
And stuffed him in a big plastic bag
If the cops ever find him,
who knows what they'd say
But I'm sure if ol' Lar' were still with us today
He would have to agree with me
it was a pretty good gag

Oh boy, what a joker
What a funny, funny guy
I'll never forget about Larry
No matter how I try
Oh boy, what a joker
What a funny, funny guy
I'll never forget about Larry
No matter how I try
No matter how I try

Oh, I remember Larry.


::: posted by Comic Tools at 12:17 PM



Thursday, May 09, 2002 :::
 
Holy carp, Ben (meant in the literal sense), you're a prophet! Now pretty soon you'll have angels agressively hugging you, and you'll start shouting Erisianic scripture in uncontrolloable bouts! (been studying Islam lately, can you tell?)

-Matt, realises he misspelled "crap", but chooses to leave it because it's funnier.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:41 PM


 
...I'm not dead yet...
But I am pretty tired. Fortunately my academic workload is back in the realm of the humane. No more homework in my DS class, so all I need to worry about is the final. No big. I spent most of the weekend out im Belmont, and I managed not to sleep for a disturbingly long time. The only noteworthy effect is that the only memory I have from all of Sunday is of sitting in the most generic chinese restaurant trying desparately to stop laughing. Other than that it's all blurred together. Also, since I wasn't anything resembling a functional human being on Sunday, my homework that was due on Monday got put off until Monday morning. Then, on Monday morning I decided it wasn't quite urgent enough yet, so I put it off until Monday afternoon (it being due Monday everning). In the meantime I amused myself by fiddling with Tomato (my computer) in an attempt to squeeze just a LITTLE more performance out of her. Now, with five hours in which to do a week's worth of homework, some people could argue that it would be best NOT to go out of my way to mangle the sole tool required for doing said homework. My response is that yes, this is perfectly reasonable, rational and sane. However it does not take into account the fact that I am very, very stupid. So, in the course of my minor adjustments I somehow managed to convince Tomato that her network card was her video card, which is a wonderfully frustrating problem in that it would be very easy to diagnose, specify, and repair were it not for the fact that there is NO DISPLAY to work with. But it is possible to fix, provided you proceed logically and systematically. As an unanticipated side effect I also managed to logically and systematically make a stick of RAM eat itself. So after spending an hour enhancing my computer to the point where it only ran about 25% slower than when I started I finally got around to my homework. A week's worth, in four hours. You can kind of tell it was a last minute thing. Looking back now, I can see a few glaring mistakes. The most obvious being that I spelled the word "rabbit" wrong. If anyone asks, a rabit is just like a rabbit except that it is androgenous, mates once a month for its entire life, and lives forever. Now you know.

It's late, Carter sleep now. More later.

-Carter

::: posted by Carter at 2:49 AM



Wednesday, May 08, 2002 :::
 
Okay, I admit it. I confess. Recently, the backs of my knees turned into a second set of armpits, requiring twice as much deodorant consumption. Already under severe budgetary strain providing for my two original armpits, I had to find some way of obtaining free deodorant, quickly. So naturally, I broke into your house and stole your deodorant. As it turns out, your deodorant's main ingredient is the same exact chemical which scientists had been testing as a potential cure for back-of-knee odoritis, as it's called scientifically. After a week or two, the odor was gone, and my knees were back to normal. Having no more need of your deodorant, I put it back where I found it.

And Nick, you may want to know about this little item first before buying Ben's product...

New York Times: Dispatch- CryoBum device found to increase incidents of forceful disemboweling by three-hundred percent over sugar pill. Quivering, dying test subjects did, however, pause in their screaming to remark on their cool bums and the fresh lemony scent as they coughed up blood and writhed in unthinkable agony.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:40 PM



Tuesday, May 07, 2002 :::
 
Don't let that evil, greedy Ben steal your hard-earned, or at least strenuously pilfered, money! For free, you can put your butt in my freezer. For a small extra fee, you can go with it.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:42 PM



Monday, May 06, 2002 :::
 
Actually, I think you have a neat candor and spontanaity when you spill your thoughts in type. I like it. You discuss things that might not cme up in a train of conversation. It's like, witticisms mixed with everyday gripes. Plus, it's just nice to hear from you. That goes for all of you, really. Hmm....I can't figure out what, but something about this post has a weird feeling to me- like, it expresses the proper interest and affection, but, I dunno, the tone seems odd. Oh well, I'm tired. I might not even know why I wrote this tomorrow. Anyway, no, they're not boring. When interesting people speak their minds, it's always interesting.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:37 PM


 
Actually, I got the same results the second time around, even answering some quetions differenly than I did at first, because I was ambivalent about which to choose.

-Matt


::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:45 AM



Sunday, May 05, 2002 :::
 
Here's mine, fresh from the presses!

Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Moderate
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: Low
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: Low
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

-Matt



::: posted by Comic Tools at 5:20 PM


 
Hey, you know how I'm always saying that I have really good conversations with Ben? This is what I mean:

FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: Right. Back to the cheese, then?
Deep Fnord: sure!
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: Do you like camenbert?
Deep Fnord: good stuff.
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: How abouuuuut, STILTON!?
Deep Fnord: AHHH! MY NEMESIS!
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: What? I love stilton. By affiliation you are my enemy. Prepare to do battle to the death!!
Deep Fnord: *produces sharpened cheddar wedge* to the DEATH!
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: *Anime streaking background* YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Deep Fnord: *flashy anime attack sequence which induces seizures* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: *Random images of edges meeting and seperating, interspersed with stills of our grimacing faces*
Deep Fnord: *lunges with Cheddar Wedge*
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: *sillouhette of cheddar wedge passing through Matt, fountain of blood gushes out of Matt's back*
Deep Fnord: *Tentacles spout from Stilton box with a noise like SHPRARARGGGGGH*
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: *stilton heals Matt's wounds and melds wth him, producing SUPER MILTON!!!!*
Deep Fnord: AAAAH! NOOOOO!
Deep Fnord: *whips out the feared Shred-o-Launcher*
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: *Milton touches Ben, veins of blue mold spread and fill his body*
Deep Fnord: holy flying shit. A school in Georgia is holding its first integrated dance this year.
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: *riddled with delicous tunnels Ben falls* that's out of character, Ben. Apalling, but out of character.
Deep Fnord: mm, yes. sorry. *flails about wildly, hit Shred-o-Launcher trigger just before his last moment.*
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: Boy, will those women be disappointed to find out that big-dick thing is really a racist myth. *electricity arcs around Milton as shredder works it's way through his cheese-o-field*
Deep Fnord: hahaha! *flashes back to life with a sudden Extra Sharp burst of flavor* Do not make me use the Gouda!
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: Slow-motion shot as it breaks through, but Milton is saved, as stilton is a crumbling cheese, not a shredding cheese*
Deep Fnord: damn!
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: You mean "edam", don't you?
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: It's an obscure ditch cheese.
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: *dutch.
Deep Fnord: nono, I like Gouda
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: No, I mean instead of saying Damn. edam.
Deep Fnord: Ohhh! I see
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: *glows progressively brighter as he gathers the cheese energy from the surrounding atmosphere*
Deep Fnord: *puts on the Protective Waxy Covering of Goudaliciousness*
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: *In an echoing voice:"Stiltonnnn Powerrrrrrr!!!!!"
Deep Fnord: You'll never defeat me!
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: *cheese energy crackles and splashes against waxy shielding*
Deep Fnord: Gnnngh...shield...must...hold
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: *more still pics of strained grimaces*
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: *sudden flash*
Deep Fnord: *anime explosion*
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: *elevated shot, Earth orbit, mushroom cloud seen blossoming and covering two major continents*
Deep Fnord: whoo! Glad I made it out of THAT one unscathed!
Deep Fnord: *looks down, notices missing torso*
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: I'm going to have to post this, by the way. "Now he's weakened! I must stop him from acessing raw, unprocessed cheese curd, or all is lost!"
Deep Fnord: cool beans.
Deep Fnord: *dives into the Goudamobile and makes his getaway*
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: *eats cool beans, lights fart, and blasts off in hot pursuit*
Deep Fnord: Damn! He's gaining! More curds to the engine! *surges forth*
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: *explosions erupt around the car, just missing it several times, shot of Matt, firing wildly and cackling something about utter destructon*
Deep Fnord: *Car ditches wheels and becomes airborne, firing shots wildly out of the Rear-Mounted Whey-gun*
Deep Fnord: MWA HA HA! It's like a Ray Gun, only different!
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: *shot of whey hits nearby curd-eating city, a gigantic spider immidiately sits down beside it and crushes nearby suburbs*
Deep Fnord: We must evacuate to France and invade their Cheeseries for extra power!
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: *city goers are scared away*
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: "stilton is English! I must go to the isle of silly royal costumes to replenish my powers!"
Deep Fnord: If we can replenish our power at the Cheeseries, then we can weigh down the Isle of Poor Taste!

After that, we proceeded to blow up England, or what we thought was England, and then we sort of had a mold fight, and then it ended. Good times. And good night. ( My thanks to Ben for sending me the conversation, after my computer crashed in the middle and I lost all of it.)

-Matt


::: posted by Comic Tools at 12:01 AM



Friday, May 03, 2002 :::
 
"Welcome to sado-masochistic Mc.Donald's, how can you take my orders?"

And with that, I shall depart.

-Matt, undefeated champion of the National Naked Crisco Twister League

::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:50 PM



Wednesday, May 01, 2002 :::
 
A good quote from a conversation between Ben and myself last night: "That's a rather twisted route fora tattoo to take."

Man, talking with Ben is fun.

-Matt, NO, I DIDN"T say you should cut your kidneys out, I just said you looked like you had a few too many organs in your abdomen today.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 8:39 PM

ARCHIVES :::

Ben, Nick, Molly, Matt, Carter, Maria, Christy, Jason, Greg, Eric, and UNCLE JEFF!! We are truly honored to have someone among us who is over 20 and claims to have some sort of responsibility. It won't last long.