Friday, August 30, 2002 :::
 
Hi-ho everyone. I have internet acess at the library, but that may change when classes start and more people are doing research and stuff. I actually read the blogs yesterday, but I waited till today so that I would have opened my present already and the first thing I'd say to Molly would be "thank you", which I'd be willing to wage she could use. And by the way, no, the present doesn't make me want to abandon you. First off, I couldn't really picture you doing anything that would cause me to do so, not anything that's in your beautiful nature, anyhow. But the present actually had rather the opposite effect on me, I must say. Something to the general effect of "EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!I GOT MEE A SPOOOO-KEEEEE DAAAAALLLLLL! EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" He's in my pants pocket right now, performing discusting and humiliating tasks as my concealed personal sex slave. No no, don't worry, I kid. I'm treating him well, rest assured. Anyway, I love it Molly, thank you.

As I promised, I have been keeping a written journal pretty much daily, but at the moment it's something on the scale of ten pages long, so I wouldn't expect to see it posted anytime in the very near future, although I will post it, rest assured.

In answer to your question Carter, it may be that I've seen his work and simply not recalled the name, but so far as I know, I have not seen his work.

Molly, post your phone number, i have a cell phone now, and it costs me no more to make a long distance call than it does to make a local call.

Well, I'm off to go partake of the other parts of the web I've been missing in my missing-ness, so toodles all, and thanks for the comments. Me like lotsa comments. bye!

::: posted by Comic Tools at 11:20 AM



Tuesday, August 27, 2002 :::
 
Matt, I realize you probably won't see this for some time, but when you do I want an answer.
My question is this:
Do you know anything about a cartoonist named Dan O'Neill?

-Carter, while I'm still thinking about this...

::: posted by Carter at 1:21 AM



Saturday, August 24, 2002 :::
 
Oh, and for chrissake people, comment on my fuckin' blog. I like getting comments. It's like getting mail. It validates my existence. Now, next time I check those things, I wanna see assloads of quips, brief thoughts, musings, and sound bites filling my comments to overflowing, got it? Good. Especially you, Molly. I'm still not de-miffed I didn't get to see you before I left. Your words will be appreciated greatly.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 8:28 PM



Friday, August 23, 2002 :::
 
Yer welcome. Okay everyone, a bit of info:

I leave Sunday. I'll be busy, very very busy, for a little over a week. If I can post/contact you during that time, I will, but just know I'm going to be mostly unavailable for communication for a little while.

My address at the school will be 215 East 23rd st., room #2D1, New York, NY, 10010

I do not yet know what the phone number will be, or when I'll be able to answer it.

That's all for now. Toodles, and, oh wait, I forgot. Christy, here's that Jhonen skin for the Sims I told you about. And by the way, I've suspected it for a little while, but I've found pretty conclusively that I've been pronouncing his name wrong. It's "jo-nen", not "ho-nen." Myyyy mistake. Toodles now,

-Matt, mmm, my grandmother just made bread in her new breadmaker, and I'm enjoying it with butter and honey. Eeez deleeshus. ^_^

::: posted by Comic Tools at 1:02 PM



Thursday, August 22, 2002 :::
 
You DID ask for an orgy, after all.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 11:11 PM


 
Ben! "Champaigne corks fly", if ya know what I mean. He he. Nudge nudge. Wink wink. Cork cork.

-Matt, oh, look, the fizz is running down the side...better lick it off!

::: posted by Comic Tools at 11:11 PM



Wednesday, August 21, 2002 :::
 
Badmacirk Chmshgazaki.
Badmacirk Chmshgazaki.
Badmacirk Chmshgazaki.

-Carter, more on this later.

::: posted by Carter at 12:11 AM



Tuesday, August 20, 2002 :::
 
Wow, Jason, you've succeeded in being sicker than me. I feel like I should be handing out some kind of award or something.

In the meantime, my plan to starve Carter to death is going perfectly. Heh heh heh.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 5:49 PM



Monday, August 19, 2002 :::
 
Congratulations, Matt. I will never be hungry again.

-Carter, ugggghhhhhhhhhh...

::: posted by Carter at 10:42 PM


 
"What kind of poo is not seeing Molly?"


An IM conversation

FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: Fuck.
RuliverseUner: oh?
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: I'm not going to get to see Molly before I go to NYC.
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: I've known this since yesterday, it's just kind of hitting me now.
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: I am not happy about this.
RuliverseUner: Teleportation, man!
RuliverseUner: MASTER IT!
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: Rather the opposite. Rather alot of the opposite.
RuliverseUner: No depression allowed.
RuliverseUner: *points to sign*
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: Not depresion, just venting, raging desperation and frustration, the feeling of emotional flesh tearing as an arm on the friendship body is ripped off and stored for later reatttachment.
RuliverseUner: The friendship manakin puts up with a lot.
RuliverseUner: And yet it still survives.
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: Shit. The icky, green liquid kind.
RuliverseUner: And then, venting never hurt.
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: I believe dookie is the proper term.
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: I think ka-ka is more solid and brown, yes?
RuliverseUner: How bout a mixture of both?
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: Perhaps I should just say "crap", cover all the bases.
RuliverseUner: yup!
RuliverseUner: You could get really creative.
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: Hhhhhhhhhh.....
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: Hey, I've got it: the kind of poo where it kind of burns on the way out for no apparent reason, and your bum hurts for like minutes afterwards.
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: What would you call that?
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: Burny-poo?
RuliverseUner: Try flaming. Works better.
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: No, that's taken. It's a haloween prank.
RuliverseUner: How about the good ol:
FUCKING HELLL
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: No, that's not a kind of shit. I'm trying to pinpoint the exact variety and level of shit it is.
RuliverseUner: Oh, fine, if you`re gonna go for one particular feeling.
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: Hurry up with a suggestion, I'm sinking back into it.
RuliverseUner: how about the kind that evolves in some dark swampland to a point where it has the same effect as quicksand?
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: What? sand-breathing gnomes live in it waiting for victims fo fall in so they can rape them?
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: At least, they did in MY quicksand...
RuliverseUner: Yes. Sand-breating, blind vampire gnomes.
RuliverseUner: Of course.
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: I oughtta know, I put em there.
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: Hmm. "Not seeing Molly is like falling into a pit of quick-shit and being ass-raped by the shit-breathing blind vampire gnomes that live inside it."
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: I like it.
RuliverseUner: I`m glad I could help.
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: ^_^
FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: I feel better now.

Right, so Molly? Not seeing you is like falling into a pit of quick-shit and being ass-raped by the shit-breathing blind vampire gnomes that live inside it.


::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:14 PM



Sunday, August 18, 2002 :::
 
No no, I can confirm for you for sure that you'll be seeing Sto. And, I'm afraid, my schedule is pretty damned packed. The only person I'll see before I leave is Christy. My teary so-longs to all of you I won't see.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 4:22 PM


 
Oh, yes.

Blog. Mine. Here.

-Carter, that is all.

::: posted by Carter at 12:59 AM



Saturday, August 17, 2002 :::
 
Yaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Molly back!

Two days? Where you goin' next? And what's the rush?

Yes, be thankful to whatever god you pray to that he is compassionate enough to have spared you seeing the Nimoy film.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:41 PM


 
Ahh, people are back. And at the moment so are the archives. This too shall pass.
Seriously, though, you should be grateful you can't see the Bilbo video. It's better this way. And I'm glad you enjoyed my ravings about homicidal urges towards total strangers. Just be glad you weren't there for the horror that was annoying movie guy.
You know, I think Annoying Movie Guy could be Extreme Kitten's archnemesis or something. That seems oddly appropriate.
Welcome back, everyone. ^_^
I demand you tell me everything. Now.

-Carter, John White smoked pot? There's an image...

::: posted by Carter at 10:08 PM


 
For everybody who isn't Nick, I'll explain the last two posts: Nick sent me a funny story with pictures of a plush Cthulhu. I responded with another toy Chthulu.

The toy Cthulu is here. I'm not sure where the story thingie Nick showed me is, but I'm sure he'd be happy to post it.

And now, for your amusement, I did a small google search and found many amusing Cthulhus. There's:

Disco Cthulhu!

Aliens style Cthulhu!

Cute purple anime Cthulhu!

About-to-get-some Cthulhu!

Cthulhu enjoying the hot tub disturbingly too much.

Classic Cthulhu!

Scary, dragon or perhaps horse like Chthulu!

Without a doubt, simultaneously the cheesiest and most scary Cthulhu I've found!

A cute cartoon Cthulu you could just go mad for! Insanely, ravingly, criminally dangerously mad for. The kind of mad where you break some guy's arm and you have to be taken down with twenty high-potency elephant tranquilizer darts.

Cthulhu for president!

One last Cthulhu doll.

And believe it or not, there are MANY MORE!!!!
But I'm tired of typing, so if you want to see them, look em' up yourself! Lazy asshole! What do you think I am, your personal slave? "Look up Cthulhus for me! Drive me to the bathroom, it's too long to walk! Wipe my ass!" well FUCK YOU!!! I'm through taking your shit! You want more ausing permutations of your precious hideous green elder god, go find them yourself!You lazy, exploitive fuck! You're not gonna take advantage of my generosity and good nature any more! I'm outta here! *door slam*

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 6:38 PM



Friday, August 16, 2002 :::
 
Nick, you left IM before I could send you this.

Enjoy! -Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 6:42 PM



Monday, August 12, 2002 :::
 
I have presents for all of you from the weirdness of the web and human culture in general.

First, Greg, I was actually able to find a picture of a butt with a smiley face on it. Here you go. Cute, ain't it? On my way to find that for you, I also found an interesting website called butt guessing game, where you look at a picture of a group of people mooning you, with their heads blotted out, and you try to guess who they are from the pictures of their faces below. Here it is, if you're interested.

For the rest of you, I have this little news item: It seems that gangsta' rapper Ice-T has put his name and face behind a line of ice cream treats called "posse pops." Posse pops are ice cream with a message. The vanilla flavor, called "wild thang" promotes safe sex, the peanut butter bar, called "blowin' up", promotes education, and a vanilla bar with a crunchy choclate coating, called "Knock you out", promotes drug abstinance. The bars all have extreem names and have messages written on the labels in language the "hip hop generation can understand", said Ice-T.

A picture of a "posse pop:"


Finally, today in a general store I bought an "alien Mickey Mouse" keychain. It was mickey, with diamond-shaped ears, a metal face with huge, almond-shaped eyes, and a raygun in his pants.

Just a note, this blog entry has been sixty percent of your recomended daily allowance of oddness.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 2:23 PM


 
What a fascinating question.
After having looked very carefully through all available online resources as well as my Sandman Companion, and based on the relatively fresh memory of watching Logan's Run at about 1am last night I think I am forced to rule this as pure coincidence. The only real presence the Ankh has in Sandman is that Death always wears one as a necklace, and that it functions as her sigil. My sources quite clearly say that Death's physical appearance is based almost exclusively on Mike Dringenberg's friend Cinnamon. So I would assume the Ankh comes from there, although I can't say this with any authority. It is entirely possible that the Ankh came from Neil Gaiman's original character design notes. Either way though, I would have to say coincindence.
If this doesn't satisfy you, you can always ask the man himself. He would know. And he would probably even tell you.

-Carter, THERE IS NO SANCTUARY

::: posted by Carter at 12:54 AM



Sunday, August 11, 2002 :::
 
Oh, and I'll have that smiley ass for you shortly Greg.


::: posted by Comic Tools at 5:05 PM


 
I summon the power of Carter to help me with a possible tie-in/reference. Does the Sandman comic, and it's use of Ankhs, in any way have anything to do with the movie "Logan's Run", in which Logan, a sandman, which is a person who hunts down and kills people who refuse to die at thirty like they're supposed to, escapes the city using a key shaped like an ankh? Or is this pure coincidence?

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 5:04 PM



Friday, August 09, 2002 :::
 
Jason! I'd completely forgotten you were in here, it'd been so long since you posted. How you bin' doing?

::: posted by Comic Tools at 8:20 PM


 
Didn't like Signs, huh? Well, I enjoyed it, incompetent aliens notwithstanding.
Ok now, in the Aurora toolset, I've never had to connect different modules. I vaguely remember a mention of portals that are used to connect different servers, I think that's the only way. Not sure, I'll have to look into it. If all else fails I'll just crack open the ones from the official campaign and see how that works.
So...I'll get back to you.

-Carter, the hard part is resisting the urge to PLAY for more than ten minutes...

::: posted by Carter at 6:22 PM



Wednesday, August 07, 2002 :::
 
I'm eating Ramen noodles, and one of them looks like a length of intestine.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 12:44 PM



Monday, August 05, 2002 :::
 
Thank you, Carter, for supplying me with just the right sort of viewing material one should not watch in preperation for a peaceful, tranquil night's sleep, unplagued by nightmare visions of Lenord Nimoy and horrible pastel colored pointy eared demon children.

That little mivie will go right up there in my list of "truly disturbing images that won't leave my head, ever" , alongside such beauties as:

-a picture of a man who can somehow stretch his anal opening to three inches in diamater (demonstrating)
and
-that video of Michel Jackson and his then wife, Lisa Presley, buck-naked and basically feeling each other up and admiring each other's naked bodies.

Yum-yum, good times. I'll just go scoop out my visual cortex so this sort of thing can never happen again.Toodles,

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:57 PM


 
Thank you, Matt. That got my point across ever so much better than a mere description could have. It's actually really eerie...
However, I am now also suffering from involuntary annoying-guy flashbacks. I think it's some kind of post-traumatic stress disorder thing.
I'm sure it'll get better soon. Or I'll have a psychotic episode.
Anywho, who here remembers the "Ballad Of Bilbo Baggins" that I put on Molly's CD? The one by Leonard Nimoy? Good! Or bad, depending on taste, or lack thereof.
Now, as if it wasn't strange enough in its own right, it turns out there's a video for it as well.

That frightens me.

-Carter, oh dear lord...

::: posted by Carter at 7:38 PM


 
*kills Nick*

Oh, by the way, I saw you on the road today! Oh, wait, you're dead, so I guess you don't hear me, huh?

I now present "Annoying movie guy reading Carter's post":

I also went and saw "Signs" yesterday.OH MY GAWD! It was, to my relief, just as good as I've come to expect a Shyamalan movie to be. I BET HE'S GONNA SAY HE GIVES IT A THUMBS UP!!
However, my cinematic experience was hindered slightly by the man seated next to me.
I wanted to kill him. IT'S BECAUSE HE COULDN'T MASTURBATE!!
To a certain degree, I still want to kill him. He may very well be one of the most irritating people I have ever encountered,OH MY GAWD!!! and I have met some intensely irritating people. People who have managed to reach their mid thirties and have not yet learned how to think without speaking I HAVE TO PEE NOW! I THINK I WILL GET UP TO PEE SOON! YES, SOON I WILL PEE!should not be allowed into movies. Oh my god.By law. OH MY GAWD!!
It is one thing to gasp or squeak in horror when something genuinely horrifying happens. Or to laugh when something funny is going on. Or even to turn to your girlfriend when actor X comes onscreen and whisper conspiratorially "Hey, isn't that the guy from that train movie?". IS IT?!! IS IT????!!!!To me, this is acceptable. But if, for some reason, you feel the need to say, in a conversational tone, every minute or so the phrase "Oh my gawd!" OH!...MY!...GAWD!!!more or less regardless of what is happening onscreen, then stay the fuck at home. I"D STAY AND FUCK AT HOME, BUT WOMEN FIND ME IRRITATING! WHY IS THAT?
Also, if you feel that you have seen enough movies in your lifetime to have developed a sense of film cliches, good for you. If you feel that this sense of ciches gives you a bit of an advantage in guessing the direction a given scene might be going in, HE'S GOING TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT MONKEYS!!! MUNKEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!! then congratulations. But what, precisely, do you think you will accomplish by yelling things like "He's dead, I just know it!!" at the screen? Do you expect to be awarded the nobel prize for film prediction, or what? I'M NOT??!!
Now, when a man embodies BOTH of these characteristics in somewhat liberal quantities, I believe that humane euthanasia is in order. YEAH! KILL THAT NOISY, COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS ASSHOLE! WHAT MAKES HIM SUCH A JERK IS, HE DOESN"T EVEN SEEM TO KNOW WHAT AN ANNOYING JERK HE IS! OH MY GAWD! I"D WANNA BE DEAD IF I WERE LIKE THAT!
With or without the "humane" part. OH MY GAWD!
I am not exaggerating in the slightest whenOH MY GAWD! I tell you that he sOH MY GAWD!aid the words "Oh my gawd!" AT LEAST once a minute during the entire final half hour of the movie. Which is not to OH MY GAWD!say that he didn't say it during the rest of the movie. He did. Just slightly less frequently. Nor am I stretching the truth in any fashion when I say that genius boy yelled "He's dead, I just know it!" or something equaOH MY GAWD!lly insightful no fewer than thirty times. OH MY GAWD!By my count, exactly THE NEXT THING HE SAYS WILL BE A COLOR!! zero of these little premonitions can be said to be even marginally accurate. OH MY GAWD!
There were three times I had to resort to some serious OH MY GAWD!deep, OH MY GAWD!pranayama OH MY GAWD!breathing OH MY GAWD!in OH MY GAWD!order OH MY GAWD!to OH MY GAWD!resist OH MY GAWD!the OH MY GAWD!urge OH MY GAWD!to OH MY GAWD!fling OH MY GAWD!my OH MY GAWD!beverage OH MY GAWD!at this man. OH MY GAWD!I also*takes breath* seriously OH MY GAWD!considered OH MY GAWD!walking OH MY GAWD!over tOH MY GAWD!o OH MY GAWD!him OH MY GAWD!and OH MY GAWD!calmly OH MY GAWD!telling OH MY GAWD!him OH MY GAWD!thatOH MY GAWD! he OH MY GAWD!is aOH MY GAWD! very*is shot by someone less tolerant than Carter* OH MY GAWD< I"VE BEEN SH-*blam! blam! blam! stab! drill! slice! rend! power-decapitate! kick!*irritating human being after the movie ended, but it wouldn't have done any good.

That last bit was dedicated to Carter, who I'm sure will enjoy profusely imagining that in vivid detail.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 6:03 PM


 
We lost some to Camp. Alas. I envy.
As for the rest, they're in my basement, and I WON'T GIVE THEM BACK!

In order to fill the void, I may start posting stories about Egypt that don't go anywhere. I
n the meantime, first some very dull news about my life:

I was at a trade show today. In case you don't know, that's when a lot of people get together in some building or another to buy and sell exotic computer equipment. This was a reasonably good one, as these things go. I went to replace a stick of memory that was...um...let's just say "damaged" in a recent incident. I also got a new hard drive, since this one was getting a little cramped. You always find rather...colorful people at trade shows. Like that korean looking man who is always wearing large gloves and a surgical mask. He show's up a LOT. At any rate, I got what I went for, and it's installed and functional. More or less.

And now, a senseless rant:

I also went and saw "Signs" yesterday. It was, to my relief, just as good as I've come to expect a Shyamalan movie to be.
However, my cinematic experience was hindered slightly by the man seated next to me.
I wanted to kill him.
To a certain degree, I still want to kill him. He may very well be one of the most irritating people I have ever encountered, and I have met some intensely irritating people. People who have managed to reach their mid thirties and have not yet learned how to think without speaking should not be allowed into movies. By law.
It is one thing to gasp or squeak in horror when something genuinely horrifying happens. Or to laugh when something funny is going on. Or even to turn to your girlfriend when actor X comes onscreen and whisper conspiratorially "Hey, isn't that the guy from that train movie?". To me, this is acceptable. But if, for some reason, you feel the need to say, in a conversational tone, every minute or so the phrase "Oh my gawd!" more or less regardless of what is happening onscreen, then stay the fuck at home.
Also, if you feel that you have seen enough movies in your lifetime to have developed a sense of film cliches, good for you. If you feel that this sense of ciches gives you a bit of an advantage in guessing the direction a given scene might be going in, then congratulations. But what, precisely, do you think you will accomplish by yelling things like "He's dead, I just know it!!" at the screen? Do you expect to be awarded the nobel prize for film prediction, or what?
Now, when a man embodies BOTH of these characteristics in somewhat liberal quantities, I believe that humane euthanasia is in order.
With or without the "humane" part.
I am not exaggerating in the slightest when I tell you that he said the words "Oh my gawd!" AT LEAST once a minute during the entire final half hour of the movie. Which is not to say that he didn't say it during the rest of the movie. He did. Just slightly less frequently. Nor am I stretching the truth in any fashion when I say that genius boy yelled "He's dead, I just know it!" or something equally insightful no fewer than thirty times. By my count, exactly zero of these little premonitions can be said to be even marginally accurate.
There were three times I had to resort to some serious deep, pranayama breathing in order to resist the urge to fling my beverage at this man. I also seriously considered walking over to him and calmly telling him that he is a very irritating human being after the movie ended, but it wouldn't have done any good.
I love movies very dearly. All movies, even the really terrible ones. And I love going to theatres, since it really is a hell of a thing. And this was a fucking digital screening. There are only around 50 or 60 screens on the entire planet that are equipped for digital projection, and I am lucky enough to have access to one.
But I really, really, REALLY wish that I could go to the movies totally alone. On rare occasions I have managed to get to some backwoods cinema and pick a crappy enough movie that I get to have an entire theatre to myself. For me, this is a heavenly experience. The empy theatre is one of life's greatest joys. Which is not to say I don't/wouldn't bring friends along. I would. Those are my friends, as opposed to people. I like my friends. Most of them, most of the time, anyway. I fucking HATE people. This may well sound antisocial, mostly because it is, and I am.
But I still like to think that the person who can't figure out how to stop talking for two hours at a time is a somewhat more damaged human being than the person whose two greatest pleasures are movies and being left the hell alone.

-Carter, I feel better now

::: posted by Carter at 2:05 AM



Sunday, August 04, 2002 :::
 
Okay, the last three posts have been me...is there anyone left in this blog? Hello? Can anyone hear me? Type something, for chrissakes, people! TYPE SOMETHING!!! I'll settle for a fart in text at this point! Fall asleep on the keyboard and post two pages of semicolons! I don't care! Anything! Hello? Heloooooooo? *whimper* all alone...

::: posted by Comic Tools at 7:59 PM



Thursday, August 01, 2002 :::
 
Hey Molly, as promised, the cover to the Ben is Dead issue which I had Carter find for me. (I kiss your feet again for your great favor, oh finder of all knowledge.) The drawing is by Jhonen Vasquez, the color job is by Rosarik Rikki Simmons, who also does the voice of GIR. This cover was their first ever collaboration.

-Matt

::: posted by Comic Tools at 7:01 PM


 
I actually started on Greg some time ago, but I believe Eric's butt cheeks have yet to taste the delicious sting of our choclate frosting paddling line, among other things. Eric, due to budget constraints, I'm afraid you'll ahve to flip the bill for just a few of the more essential items of your hazing. Please have these items ready when you report in:

~Six-person tandem "carousel" style dildo
~chrome toaster oven
~Copy of the 1967 Army Surrvival Manual, with pages 42 and 13 ripped out and switched.

Thank you and good luck in becoming a full member of this blog.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 3:26 PM

ARCHIVES :::

Ben, Nick, Molly, Matt, Carter, Maria, Christy, Jason, Greg, Eric, and UNCLE JEFF!! We are truly honored to have someone among us who is over 20 and claims to have some sort of responsibility. It won't last long.