Wednesday, August 27, 2003 :::
 
The implication there was of the Judeo-Christian god, who has a well documented character to his name, despite not having a particularly well documented name, and it is quite a striking resemblance.

Two things while I'm around. These may get xposted into some livejournal or other.

First, this clocks in at 1 year, 361 days, which beats even my most cynical estimates. If you're not interested in following the link, I'll just say "9/11", "TV movie" and "under the thumb of the executive branch" and you're perfectly capable of filling in the blanks on your own. Although I should also point out that our fearless leader is being played by Timothy Bottoms who, in addition to having a very unfortunate name, played Bush once before in Trey Parker and Matt Stone's short lived sitcom "That's My Bush!". Sadly, I greatly doubt that's the only thing that will lend an air of humor to this production.

Second, this happened. I can't even describe this one without pausing every couple of minutes for some long deep breaths. Abercrombie & Fitch are suing American Eagle Outfitters. Again. Their previous lawsuit alleged that AE infringed on A&F's intellectual property rights because it replicated their look and general atmosphere. This, of course, is true. However it is still very stupid and in no way legal grounds for anything unless they can prove that a reasonable person might mistake the one for the other, which given A&F's usual clientele is not quite the moon shot it might be with some other stores. Naturally this was dismissed in a summary judgement saying basically that it was too dumb to go to trial.

Now they are suing again. This time Abercrombie is alleging that American Eagle is infringing on their unregistered common law trademark on the number 22.

This is not a joke. This is not a story in the Onion. This is not a bad dream. This is really happening.

Abercrombie and Fitch put the number 22 on the back of some t shirts, evidently to make them more closely resemble sports jerseys in an effort to let alpha males waste a lot of money on lousy clothes, look stylish and trendy, and still not lose their excessive testosterone credentials. They think that because they did this, they now own the number 22. Ok, that's a slight exaggeration, but it is still the heart of their case. They believe that they now own the idea of putting that number on clothes, which is certainly smaller in scope but it's slightly akin to the Gap claiming that they now own the color grey for use in clothing. They are claiming that because AEO uses the number 22 on shirts, and A&F used it first, they should destroy all the shirts in question, all catalogs with references to the shirts should be destroyed, and all money made off of these shirts should be turned over to A&F.

Never mind the fact that this now puts any number of sports teams in a position to either gain or lose an incredible amount of money. Never mind the fact that if you really can trademark a number, it could quite easily collapse the entire computer industry, every telephone company in the world, as well as every bank, not to mention the math classes of every school housed in a country that's party to the Berne convention. The real point to this is simply WHAT THE FUCK?!?! What has happened to people in this country that they think they can own anything they can name? Why do people honestly believe that intellectual property is an appropriate tool to demolish all competition and make an infinite amount of money? What happened to everyone?

This has done it, they've crossed a line on this. It was getting scary before, but now it's crossed the horror/comedy barrier and people need to take action. Abercrombie has singlehandedly proven that americans cannot be trusted with IP law. We have abused it one too many times, and it's starting to look genuinely unsalvagable. Sooner or later we'll need to essentially burn it all down and start over with something that makes sense and can stand up to intense expoloitative scrutiny. Either that or, you know, start paying royalties for numbers.

I want dibs on 235.

-Carter

::: posted by Carter at 10:48 PM



Tuesday, August 26, 2003 :::
 
Aimless rant alert!

"No nation can be neutral in the struggle between civilization and chaos,'' Mr. Bush told members of the American Legion gathered in St. Louis for the group's convention.

I need hardly point out to this group of discordians what is horribly, horribly wrong with this sentence, and also what I will loosely term the "thinking" behind it.

Bush is a perfect example of what might happen if Greyface killed a human, rammed his hand up the human's ass, and worked the mouth like a puppet, using the man to spread order across the world like tract housing spreading through a picturesque forest. The only reason I don't entertain this as an explanation for Bush is that Greyface would have realised that people tend to listen to tall, attractive people, and so would have chosen someone at least remotely good looking. Bush looks like an ematiated orc with pink makeup on, so I doubt Greyface would have chosen him as his public face to humanity.

Nonetheless, Bush continues to attempt to spread order throughout the world, using a strategy so debilitatingly retarded and counter-productive to his own goals that pundits are forced either to call his ideas incomprehensible genius or criminal insanity. Basically, Bush has two solutions to a problem: if the problem is something like a program or an organization that needs more monty, he cuts taxes so that it will get no money and go away. This is why he keeps cutting taxes despite his promise to solve the problem with schools. "Are there still bad schools? Wow, I can't believe they still have enough money to run! Well, cut their funding more, maybe that will get rid of them." His other solution to a problem is to throw bombs at things. It's easier to throw bombs at countries than people, so even though we're trying to find people, he bombs countries, often ones that the people aren't in. "Bomb Iraq! That'll kill Osama!" "But sir, Osama isn't in Iraq." "Maybe if we bomb it enough,we'll catch him passing through!"

Both of these methods of creating order are so ill-concieved that we actually have to re-write the law of eristic escallation in order to understand their effects. In the law of Eristic escallation, a certain amount of order imposed will create an equal amount of disorder. In Bush's case, though, his attempts to create order result in a disporportionately high amount of disorder, which is countered with new order of law thrust upon us back in America in airports and libraries.

Bush goes into Iraq to flush out weapons and terrorists. When he goes in, there are no weapons or terrorists. Now the country is fucking full or terrorists. Terrorists are saying to their families "Hey wife, let's pack up the kids, load the minian up with explosives and ak47s, and let's go to Iraq!"

I'll finish my meandering rant with my comments on this little tidbit:

"Even the president is not omnipotent," Mr. Bolten said of the House opposition to the AmeriCorps money. "Would that he were. He often says that life would be a lot easier if it were a dictatorship. But it's not, and he's glad it's a democracy."

Good thing he isn't a dictator, because a dictator's job is to suffocate his people under order and rule, and all Bush seems to be able to manage is to kick hornet's nests packing rocket launchers while scaring the shit out of the ACLU.

May I suggest however, that even though Bush doesn';t make a good dictator, or even president, he does make a good God. Think about it: he hates sodomy, he blows shit up from the sky at a word, and he leaves his most loyal followers in the dessert for an indefinite period of time. If he grew a beard and wore a robe, I couldn't tell him apart from the real God in a side-by-side test.

Hail Eris! Ban the fucking bomb! All hail Discordia! -><-

-Matt


::: posted by Comic Tools at 8:46 PM



Wednesday, August 20, 2003 :::
 
Holy fucking shit, I'm in The Onion

::: posted by Comic Tools at 11:06 PM



Sunday, August 17, 2003 :::
 
Well, I wrote Neil with my ideas and feelings, and he replied on his blog, which we have linked on your right. I was happy to see that he replied in such length, but unfortunately he confirmed my fear that it is futile to appeal the supreme court. (As did the interview with Charles Brownstein, a lawer on the CBLDF board.) This does not mean that I'm through, however. If I can't do anything about this case, I can still raise awareness, possibly ensure that this can't happen elsewhere. My next idea is to write Howard Dean. I don't know what he'll be able to do, but I'd be interested firstly to hear his stance on all this, and secondly to see if he might perhaps make a public statement about it.

As I don't live in Texas, I can't influence elections there, but I can at least write to their senators.

I'm trying now to think of other people I can write to/things I can do. Ideas would be most welcome.

As I said before, if you want to help the cause of comics and fight censorship, a sure way is to become a member of the CBLDF and make a donation. They spent 60,000 dollars fighting the Costelleo case, and it was because of them that Jesus is not in jail right now.

I should mention that, at my suggestion, Benb is covering this story at WhoCares.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 8:52 PM



Friday, August 15, 2003 :::
 
There's a victorian sex cries generator. It's funny. It's here.

You're welcome.


While that may be true, Carter, I just think that this is too big an issue for the supreme court to look down their noses at it and dismiss it as not being worth their time.

I'm not sure yet exactly what I'll do. From all perspectives it looks like a loss. the CBLDF has no plans to pursue the matter any further. Neil Gaiman's (a member of the CBLDF board) blog entry about it looks gloomy. Pretty much the only things left to do are for Dallas residents to vote out the current DA in the upcoming local elections, and for people like me to badger the supreme court with mail. But I'll wait to really look into all this until I'm settled back into school. I haven't the time until then, nor the means, really. If I'm gonna do anything, I need assloads of people, and that means New York.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 8:38 PM



Thursday, August 14, 2003 :::
 
Ok, I may be somewhat isolated in this opinion, but the supreme court opting not to hear the case may not be such a bad thing. I do agree, obviously, that the ruling was a pile of festering shit. It pisses me off on an epic scale, yet on a personal and very visceral level that almost nothing else can accomplish, although I recognize that my outrage is secondary to Matt's. I agree that this decision needs very badly to be reversed.

I just don't share your faith that the supreme court would do it.

You have to remember, just because they are the supreme court does not mean that they are blessed with divine clarity or unimpeachable character. They are simply the highest authority of the judicial branch of government, and in reality, they are very seldom that much better than the other branches, just a bit quieter. There's no reason to think that they are any less partial, partisan, prejudiced, or outright stupid than anyone else in a position of political power.

Ignoring for the moment that this is the court that handed Bush the presidency, and setting aside the fact that one of our esteemed justices once wrote a memorandum recommending that we bring back racial segregation, just have a look at the SC as it relates to artists.

This is the same court that upheld our new tradition of de facto perpetual copyrights, beat down free exchange of music, and mandated that libraries impose censorship policies involving technology they don't understand. We have no real reason to believe they have sympathy for any artistic expression that doesn't personally operate with hundreds of millions of dollars.

I'm almost glad that they completely ignored this flagrant injustice and went back to wiping their asses with the constitution, since the most likely alternative is that they would have set a devastatingly bad precedent and let Texan judicial stupidity sweep across the remaining bastions of civilization in this country like a fascist plague.

Deciding that comic books have always been for children because the prosecuting DA says so is bad enough. Having a jury that actually buys into this load of horseshit is...well...Texas. Denying the existence of a culture that never banished any medium that combines pictures with words into juvenile oppression simply because they could, a magical, almost reasonable place where comics make up 50 percent of all printed goods and get read by everyone with eyes, that's something else entirely. That's the part of this that makes my blood boil and inspires me to get a hack saw and physically remove a few states from the country.

But there can be any number of reasons that the Supremes prefer to do nothing in this situation. First and foremost, they may very well not have any earthly idea what's going on. This happens a lot. Second, they may not give a rat's ass. This happens even more. Either way, they aren't making things worse. I'm more comfortable letting this hang in the air and piss people off, maybe even inspire some copycat incidents to build publicity and then get a supreme court ruling when we have a slightly less psychotic country, and perhaps even a marginally better ratio of people to asshats sitting on the bench.

That's just me, though.

Anyway, the point of all this was that the tentacle raping monsters in question were not aliens, but rather demons. I believe in precision in all things.

::: posted by Carter at 11:49 PM


 
Hey, did anyone notice the comic shop guy's name was Jesus? Jesus was martyred for comics! Seriously though...

Last night I became a member at the fifty dollar level of the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund. Not only will my money go to projects like the 60,000 dollar legal fees spent by the fund on this case, but I also get a nifty pin with their logo.

But that's not enough for me. I'm beyond grumbling here. I am really, royally pissed off. And as an American, living in a citezen-participatory government, I'm not gonna let the supreme court just brush this case off without a fight. That's right, it's petition time. When I get to SVA, I'll have at least 3000 garaunteed signatures. I'm sure I could get more. I'm going to look into the matter carefully, and figure out exactly what the best way to attack this problem is. Basically, I want to impart to the judges that there alot of people who feel that this is an issue they feel needs to be addressed.

If you'd like to become a member of the CBLDF, go to www.cbldf.com

Also, I gound a better, more updated article from the Dallas Observer. Apparently, Jesus has managed to avoid actual jailtime, but he still has a year probation. The 4000 dollar fine was paid for by store customers and concerned area citezens, thank god. I don't imagine a comic shop employee can just cough up that kind of dough. At least some people in Dallas aren't morons. But Jesus no longer sells adult comics, for fear of another bust. He keeps some slightly contreversial titles, but anyone looking for bondage fairies or Robert Crumb or a good tantacle rape Manga have to look elsewhere.

What a sickening shame. Speaking of sick, what's the deal with the cop picking up a manga about tentacle-raping aliens? What kind of freak is he to hyporcitically go and charge someone with obscenity? I put up even money the guy took the comic home and jerked on it till' the ink smeared.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:25 PM



Wednesday, August 13, 2003 :::
 
I like to think that every day I become a new kind of heretic.

-Carter, Texas and Florida both, man...

::: posted by Carter at 11:18 PM


 
I was just outside looking at Mars, which is now so close that through binoculars it is clearly a ball, and not just a speck of light. I also saw several meteorites and two satellites.

This all helped to temporaily take my mind off of this: http://home.hiwaay.net/~tfharris/pulpculture/columns/030807.shtml

Honestly now, can Texas just go one goddamn month without pissing me off? Just one goddamn month is all I ask, without some horrifying new development coming out of that god-forsaken, smog choked desert hellhole and raising my blood pressure.

But of everything I've had to endure from the lonely, hung-like-a-mouse, masturbating-with-its-cock-held-between-two-fingers state, this is the worst, most personal for me. Texas has now joined the legions of people past and present wishing to promote the image of comics as being only garbage children's literature, not acepting that the art form is so much more than that, and literally prosecuting as criminals people who disagree with their narrow, ignorant views.

Not only is Texas throwing a man in jail for excercising the first amendment rights of artists, they're messing with my artform. And although I've heard of artists being sued many, many times, I've never in my life heard of a comic salesperson getting jailtime. Texas has just set the precedent that you can throw someone in jail for selling a comic book. I shudder to think what could happen to artists following this decision. And the supreme court won't hear the case. So, Texas rapes lady justice with the fourteen inch horse dildo of the law until she bleeds, and the supreme court just tapes it and jerks off.

So selling adult comics is a crime in Texas, huh? Well Texas, you'd be wise to heed this paraphrased version of one of your own sayings: Don't mess with Cartoonists. We're gonna fucking get you for this, you sand-clogged armadillo fucking big-hatted strutting sacks of denim-wrapped shit. And we'll do it with funny pictures.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:55 PM



Monday, August 11, 2003 :::
 
Speaking of which, a non-context quote from an IM conversation I'm having:

FnOrDy ErIsTiAn: If my excitement was sexual instead of enthusiasm, I'd have an erection six feet long weighing three hundred pounds, and it would require the blood of three grown men to feed it.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:45 PM


 
Oh yeah, baby. No namby-pamby fashion people are gonna out-disgusting ME.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:27 PM


 
"New from Sharper Image (tm), no living room or bed table would be complete without this new, limited edition Cambodian skull ashtray! Culled from the jungles and rice fields of Cambodia, stolen from their family burial sites, polished, and sent straight to you! Each one is garaunteed to be a skull of what was once an actual living person, in whose death Henry Kissenger and/or Pol pot was complicit. Some skulls even have bullet holes in the back, perfect for holding ciggarettes or incense. Supplies are limited ( stock is limited to only a few million pieces) , so order today! Please specify size, small (child) or medium. (There are no larges, as the skulls only belonged to tiny, undernourished Asian peasants.)"

::: posted by Comic Tools at 10:26 PM



Sunday, August 10, 2003 :::
 
It's not just us...

...

...

Store in Hong Kong. Selling the latest in nazi fashion. In response to widespread...uhh...horror, they say that "before we take them off, we have to find a replacement". Might I suggest some nice KKK chic?

-Carter, I...uhh...yeah...

::: posted by Carter at 6:55 PM


 
Aha, but Nick, you are assuming a predetermined universe of pants.

Is it not possible, squire, that someone else might be inclined to move your pants in your absence?

-Carter, if anyone is reading this, come to my house and beat me unconscious. I need to sleep.

::: posted by Carter at 4:04 AM



Saturday, August 09, 2003 :::
 
*vomits a shade of ghastly blackish-purple*

You're right, Carter, you do seem to have this effect on me. Do keep it up, I want to see if you can make me vomit pandas out of my ass.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 7:50 PM


 
Mark you calendars, people, it's started.

-Carter, oh for fuck's sake...

::: posted by Carter at 5:23 PM



Friday, August 08, 2003 :::
 
Ahh, Matt. It seems like every time I post you vomit in a new and interesting way.

Good. I'm doing my job.

-Carter, my work here is done

::: posted by Carter at 12:13 AM



Thursday, August 07, 2003 :::
 
I will now vomit so hard that my anus is sucked up through my intestines and shoots out my mouth.

::: posted by Comic Tools at 9:53 PM


 
I just don't know where to begin with this one.

-Carter, that's not a joke.

::: posted by Carter at 4:56 PM

ARCHIVES :::

Ben, Nick, Molly, Matt, Carter, Maria, Christy, Jason, Greg, Eric, and UNCLE JEFF!! We are truly honored to have someone among us who is over 20 and claims to have some sort of responsibility. It won't last long.